


Forever and Always

by EddieSasspbrak



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No IT (King), Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Famous Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of underage drinking, Minor Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating for later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieSasspbrak/pseuds/EddieSasspbrak
Summary: Eddie is the only one of his friends to stay behind in Derry after high school, causing him to lose touch with some of them. Now 24, Eddie has heard rumors that his now famous, former best friend (aka love of his life) may be coming back to town. That won't be too awkward, right?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 69
Kudos: 157





	1. Alone and In Love

Most people who grew up in the town of Derry moved away as soon as they were able and never looked back. This was true for all six of Eddie’s best friends. After high school, one by one, they left Derry behind. Left Eddie behind. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to leave too. Of course, he did. None of their childhoods had been great. The only thing that made it bearable was having each other. When bullies came around there was power in numbers. Seven losers would always be more intimidating than three bullies who wanted to tear them down.

In fact, they’d met Mike and Ben while saving them from bullies. Individually they felt powerless, together they felt unstoppable. They could kill monsters as long as they stayed together. So, when they all left, Eddie found it harder and harder to leave his mom. He’d realized at a young age that most of his ailments were made up by her as a way of keeping him close. If he needed to be taken care of, then he would always need her. When he was older, he realized that it was her who needed to be taken care of. If he left, how would she survive? She was sick, needed to be needed. So, he stayed. He gave up his dreams of escaping Derry to stay by her side.

The community college wasn’t far outside of Derry, but Eddie found getting there without a car to be nearly impossible when there was no bus system within the town. His mom didn’t want him taking classes, so she refused to drive him or let him borrow the car. She hadn’t been happy that he had even gotten his license without her permission. She didn’t know about all the hours he’d spent in Richie’s truck, behind the wheel, bickering with the other boy while he tried to teach him to drive.

Richie. He’d begged Eddie to leave with him. To pack up everything they could carry in the back of his truck and just drive. Saying no was so painful. They’d both cried when he told him that he had to stay. He couldn’t abandon his mother. Richie had been angry, and he’d left like that. He left and he didn’t call Eddie to say he was ok like he’d promised he would. Watching him drive away had broken Eddie’s heart. He’d loved him in secret for years and he’d just thrown away his last chance to be with him. His last chance to be with the person who made him feel brave.

Eddie tried not to think about all the time they spent together in the cab of that old truck when he’d been looking at used cars. He’d gotten a job at the general store in town to help pay for a car, but even then, couldn’t afford one. He’d been texting Bill, distraught that he wouldn’t ever be able to go to college in any compacity, when he’d suggested online courses. It had crossed Eddie’s mind, but the old desktop in the corner of the living room wasn’t ideal. When his mom got mad at him, she changed the password. Never mind the fact that he was already nineteen by this point and getting too old to be grounded from the computer. If she found out he was trying to take online courses, she’d surely lock him out of the computer permanently, or get rid of it all together.

It was his sixteen-year-old coworker, who’d later left Derry as well, who listened to him complain and then offered him a ride to the nearest store selling laptops. It had hurt to spend the money on even the cheapest one, but $300 on a 14inch PC was easier on him than the cost of a car and insurance. And it was a lot easier to hide from his mom. It was on this laptop that he learned about financial aid, learned that at his age he couldn’t get it without her help. He was a ‘dependent’ apparently. He had to lie to her and tell her that his boss wanted him to take some courses as he was grooming him to take over the general store one day. It was a stupid lie, one that could unravel if she ever decided to talk to his boss, but it was worth the risk if she would let him take a few classes. She didn’t need to know what he was taking. So, she agreed, thinking that it would keep him in Derry with her for the rest of her, or his, life. He signed up for online classes and would occasionally let her see him work on something on the desktop so she wouldn’t know how much he was actually hiding. It was a little slice of freedom and it was exciting to have this little secret hidden away in the messenger bag he carried everywhere.

Since he had to keep most of what he was learning a secret from his mom, he only took one to two classes a semester so his workload would be small. If she knew that he was studying whatever he could get his hands on, she would think he was planning to leave her. Part of him thought that he was. He still didn’t think he could. What would happen to her if he just packed up one day and left? But the thought that he could, that he could use any of this new knowledge to find a job somewhere far away, was exhilarating. It began to feel even more like an option when he’d gotten a ride to campus to speak with an advisor and she’d suggested he transfer his credits to a state college to finish his bachelor’s degree. She told him it would open the door to more advanced courses and then open for more schooling if that’s what he chose.

It had taken some convincing and more lying to get his mom to help him do what he needed to transfer his credits and start at a state school, but eventually he made the move to their online system. Still, with the light course loads he took and his habitual divergence from prerequisites to explore other courses, by the time he was twenty-four he still didn’t have his bachelor’s degree. It didn’t help that he’d had to take a semester or two off when his mother had actually gotten sick and the guilt of all his secrets had been too much. She recovered and when everything was back to normal, that desire for an escape plan came back and he registered for classes once more.

He kept in touch with his friends through text and phone calls and social media. Not that he really used any form of social media regularly. Sometimes he’d check Facebook to see how Stan and Bill were doing, or he’d log into his practically nonexistent twitter to check on Mike and Richie. Bev’s Instagram was mostly pictures of her designs and her and Ben modeling them, while Ben’s was all pictures of them doing things together and their dog which he affectionally called their ‘fur-baby’. His friends all had lives and Eddie was in his mid-twenties, no degree, working in a small-town general store where he had to wear an apron, still sleeping in his childhood bedroom with no real life experiences. He felt pathetic. All seven of them had called themselves “The Loser Club” but now Eddie felt like the only real loser out of the bunch.

He’d often find himself confiding in Bill and Stan about how stuck he felt. They tried to encourage him to come out and visit them, but he never felt like he could. He’d been saving what little money he could for so long, the idea of spending it on a weekend trip felt frivolous. Mike had also tried to talk him into visiting. He tried to lure him with his proximity to Disney World, saying they could spend a day in the theme park. Eddie had reminded him who he was talking to. Yea, rides were fun, but had he read about the people who died because their safety belts malfunctioned? Or the rides that broke while in motion, hurting not only those aboard, but those on the ground as well? Mike conceded but he still believed he’d put up a valiant effort in their attempts to drag Eddie out of Derry, even for a visit.

Ben and Beverly had made the most tempting offer when she landed her first fashion show outside of school. It wasn’t anything major. Just a small line that was interested in buying some of her designs and wanted to see what she could do in a show setting. It was her dream to start her own line, but this was a foot in the door, and she couldn’t rationalize turning it down. They’d invited Eddie down to spend the weekend and attend the show. He wanted to go, wanted to support his friend. All of the other Losers were going to be there, and it would feel like a mini reunion. It would be the first time he’d seen any of them for a few years as they hadn’t been coming back for holidays for a while.

The biggest mistake he made was telling his mom the truth about the trip. She never liked his friends. Never liked the influence they had on her son. They were reckless, too willing to drag Eddie into dangerous situations where he was bound to get hurt. When he’d broken his arm at age thirteen, she had banned him from seeing them at all. He didn’t let that stop him though and eventually she stopped trying to keep them apart, though she did make it very difficult at times. She was glad when they all left, gave him a hard time when any of them came back to town for any reason and he’d run off to see them. So, when Eddie told her of his plans to fly to New York to see his friends, she mysteriously got sick and had to be hospitalized.

When she’d realized that she could no longer make him believe he was sick, she began faking her own illnesses to keep him close. He knew it was likely a lie, but he couldn’t in good conscience leave her in case it was real. He apologized to Bev, told her that he wished more than anything that he could be there. She had been disappointed, they all were, but they also understood and didn’t pressure him. A few days later, when his mother had, unsurprisingly, been released from the hospital with a clean bill of health, Eddie had been angry. He accused her of lying so he couldn’t go and see his friends and she’d cried and apologized. She had just been so afraid of him getting on a plane or something happening to him while he was in New York. He was a small-town boy; he couldn’t survive in the city. He knew that it was all bullshit, but he didn’t press the matter any further.

He’d received messages from all of his friends that weekend, telling him that they missed him and wished he was there. All but one sent him at least a few words. All, except Richie. It was no secret that their relationship had been strained ever since Eddie said no to escaping together. As Richie quickly found fame in New York and his schedule became busy, his texts to Eddie came even less frequently. When ever news would break about a new show Richie would be doing, Eddie would always send him a congratulatory text and only received a response about half the time. It hurt every time.

As much as he missed him, Eddie would never tell him how he followed his career from afar. He obsessively searched YouTube and twitter for clips of Richie’s live shows. He was just as stupidly charming as he had been when they were growing up. He could always make Eddie laugh, though sometimes he just annoyed the living daylights out of him. Richie told jokes of their childhood, Derry, and each of their friends. Every time he would tell a long drawn out embellished story about something they did together, Eddie would get a jolt of excitement knowing that he was on Richie’s mind in that moment. He rarely told jokes about Eddie. Sometimes he’d talk about his hypochondriac friend who would willing be the boy in the bubble and Eddie would smile in spite of himself.

Then there were the times when Richie would talk about his first love. He could never tell just who he was talking about. For a while he thought it might be Bev, but the stories didn’t fit her. He thought back to everyone they knew in middle school and high school but could never pinpoint just one person. Maybe he just created a first love for his stories made up of all the girls he’d had crushes on over the years. The list had been endless. Either way, Eddie hated those jokes. Sometimes he’d skip past them to avoid that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

There were rumors of Richie dating a girl from this TV show he’d guest starred on. Every time Eddie googled his name for any new news, he’d see the rumor sites pop up. He’d see her face, see the onscreen kiss they shared. When he entered ‘Richie Tozier’ in the search bar, her name would pop up as an autocomplete option and he hated it. He had nothing against her personally, it was just a kneejerk reaction when the man he’d loved since he was thirteen was possibly dating this person. It broke his heart to think of him happy with someone else. He knew it was an inevitability, but it didn’t make it any easier.

When the news that Richie was going to have his own Netflix special hit the web, Eddie just about choked on his water. He’d been at work when he read the headline. He’d never seen a complete show before, surviving on 3-minute clips on YouTube. Of course, they had a Netflix account, but he just knew what his mother’s reaction would be if she saw it on his watch history. Gerard, or ‘Gerry’, his teenage coworker, was also a fan of Richie’s and was always bragging about living in the same town as Richie Tozier online. He didn’t know that Eddie was friends with him. Or used to be friends with him was probably more accurate. He just thought he was another fan. Regardless, they had bonded over it.

“You ok there, Eddie?” Gerard asked, poking his head around from the aisle where he was stocking cereal.

“Yep.” Eddie said, coughing.

“Did someone send you an unsolicited dick pic again?”

Gerard was one of the only people who knew that Eddie was gay. He’d found out by accident when Eddie had taken an uber, something he hated to do, into the nearest city. He’d been to a bar before in town, but never to a gay bar. A small town like Derry didn’t really cater to people like him. He wanted to see what it was like, maybe get some experience under his belt. And it definitely wasn’t just after the rumor of Richie dating his costar first came out. He’d been nervous and wasn’t really enjoying himself. The music was too loud for conversation and, while there were plenty of attractive men, none of them did it for him the way Richie did.

He was ready to give up when he spotted a familiar mess of curly ginger hair amongst the other patrons. Sure he was mistaken, he decided to get a closer look just to be certain. He found Gerard sandwiched between a man and a woman grinding obscenely. Eddie forgot for a moment where he was and the big-brother-like bond he’d developed with the younger boy kicked in. Without thinking, he marched over and grabbed his wrist, pulling him from his dancing partners.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? How did you even get in here?” Eddie turned to look at the two he’d been dancing with. “He’s underaged! Did you know that he’s only sixteen?”

Gerard blinked up at him dumbly, and the two looked shocked and rightfully embarrassed as they both retreated into the crowd. Without missing a beat, Eddie dragged Gerard from the bar and out onto the street. It was quieter out there, but not by much with traffic and chatter from smokers leaning against the walls. He pulled his phone out and immediately opened the uber app with the intent of getting them a ride back to Derry. With their ride secured, he turned back to Gerard to lecture him.

“How did you even get in there?” He asked, exasperated.

“Me? What are you doing in a gay bar?” Gerard asked, more amused and surprised than upset it seemed.

“What?”

Everything finally caught up with Eddie and he realized what had just happened. He’d been so shocked to see Gerard there, he hadn’t even been tracking that he’d just let his coworker see him in a gay bar, successfully outing himself. The only person who had known about him until that moment was Beverly, and she only knew because they’d gotten drunk when they were seventeen and he’d started crying about his unrequited love. He never did tell her it was Richie, just that it was another boy.

“Did you not realize this was a gay bar?” Gerard asked, misunderstanding the look of surprise on Eddie’s face.

“No…I did...but wait, why were you in a gay bar?”

“Cause I’m pansexual and the only place to find someone who’s cool with it is someplace like this. Or the internet. And you?”

“I’m…” Eddie hadn’t said this out loud in years and the words stuck in his throat. “I’m gay.” The words came out hushed as he leaned in close for only him to hear.

“Wow, ok, I mean I should have guessed.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re the only person I know who’s as obsessed with Richie Tozier as I am and I’m crushing on him _hard_. I should have figured you had the hots for him too.”

“I do not…I’m not…ok…that’s beside the point. This is a bar. A twenty-one and over bar. How did you get in?”

“Fake ID.” Gerard said with a shrug.

He reached into his pocket for his wallet and pulled the ID out, holding it up for Eddie to see. Eddie squinted at it in the dim streetlights. Snatching it away, he got a closer look at it and scoffed.

“This worked? It doesn’t even look like you! I’m keeping this by the way.” Eddie stuffed the ID into his pocket.

“What? No, come on man. I need it.”

“No. You need to wait until you’re old enough instead of causing legal adults to break the law because you’re horny and look older than you actually are.”

“I never let it go too far. I’m a responsible delinquent.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and sighed a breath of relief when their uber pulled up. He opened the back door and pointed inside, ordering without words for Gerard to get in. He grumbled as he did as he was told and climbed into the backseat, Eddie following after him. They didn’t talk during the ride and Eddie had the driver drop them off outside of the general store. The last thing he needed was for Gerard’s parents to see him bringing him home after midnight, and Eddie’s mom didn’t need to see him getting out of a car with a child when he was supposed to be at a book club meeting.

Gerard was still grumpy when they got out of the car. He stood with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders raised, like he was waiting to be scolded again. Eddie sighed and leaned against the wall of the building.

“Look, I just don’t want you to get hurt, ok?” Eddie said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ok. Whatever. It just sucks, you know? Being like me in a town like this.”

“Yea I know. I kind of lived it. Kind of still am.”

“Right…I mean I can pass as straight. I do like girls. It just gets boring only going for the straight cis girls around here. There’s only so many in a school with less than 800 students.”

“I get it. Just, try to wait two years so you’re at least of legal age and less likely to cause problems. And don’t try to drink at the bar until you’re twenty-one.”

“God, you’re so boring.”

“I thought you said you were a responsible delinquent.” Eddie couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He really couldn’t help looking at this boy like a little brother. He was the closest thing he had to a friend these days.

“Yea, yea. Ok. I won’t go back until I’m eighteen. You do realize I’ll still need a fake ID to get in though, right?” Gerard smiled sheepishly.

“I guess you’ll have to get a new one in two years then.” Eddie said, turning and heading toward home.

“You suck!” Gerard called after him.

“Go home and get some sleep, little boy!” Eddie called back, not bothering to stop.

That had happened about a month prior to Eddie nearly choking on his water and having a coughing fit at the register. Gerard had been a little crabby with him for a few days, but he got over it when Eddie showed him a rare clip of one of Richie’s shows that was hard to find online.

Eddie wiped the bit of water that had dribbled from his lips with the back of his hand while shaking his head no. He did a quick scan to make sure there was no one nearby who had heard Gerard. For someone who was trying to stay hidden, he talked about dick an awful lot while in public.

“No. I just…Richie’s getting a Netflix special.” He said, staring at his phone in disbelief.

“What?” Gerard dropped the boxes of cereal he was holding and ran over the counter.

He hopped up onto the counter and leaned in closely to Eddie’s phone. The article had a picture of Richie wearing a hideous shirt and smiling awkwardly. He was so stupidly handsome he was physically painful to look at. Eddie stared down at the face of the man he loved and thought of all the genuine smiles he’d seen over the years and how long it had been since then. His chest tightened painfully, and he was suddenly overcome with the nausea and breathlessness that usually accompanied a panic attack. He fished his inhaler from the pocket of his apron and put it to his lips, sucking in the medicine that would help him catch his breath.

“Damn, dude. I know he’s hot, but does he actually take your breath away?” Gerard asked, nudging him with his elbow.

“It’s the dust in here.” Eddie lied. “He’s not even that hot.”

“Yea, ok.” Gerard hopped back off the counter and made his way back to the cereal boxes. “I _was_ going to offer you my Netflix login so you could watch it without mother dearest knowing. But I’m not sure that I can if you don’t think Richie’s hot.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but couldn’t ignore the burst of excitement he felt at the prospect of getting to watch it. He’d confided in Gerard a while back about how his mom hated Richie and would give him hell if she found out he watched his act. He’d given him a hard time saying, “Aren’t you like, 30?”

“Ok. Fine he’s hot. He’s just not my type.”

“He’s everyone’s type. But, fine. You admitted it so I’ll give you my login.” Gerard put the last boxes of cereal on the shelf and began breaking down the big cardboard box. “When is it supposed to come out?”

“I don’t know. Sometime this summer is all it says.”

“Ugh. I hate when they do that. Give us a month at least!”

Eddie nodded in agreement, still staring down at the picture of Richie. The nausea had eased a bit and was more like butterflies now. He opened his texts and took a deep breath as he typed out a text.

_“Hey! Just saw the news about your Netflix special! Congrats!”_

He stared down at the message, his thumb hovering over send. Were there too many exclamation points? Did he sound too giddy about it? Doubting himself, he erased the whole thing and tried again.

_“Hey, Rich! Heard about your Netflix special. Sure it will be great.”_

That sounded better but felt lacking. He tacked a little more onto the end, hoping to sound casual about it all.

_“Hope your material is better than it used to be. No one thinks ‘your mom’ jokes are funny anymore.”_

The butterflies took flight as he read that over again as a whole. This was the way they used to interact before things got all weird and distant between them. It felt normal, he just wasn’t sure if he should send it like that. His decision was made for him when Gerard appeared behind him and slapped him on the back, causing him to fumble his phone and hit send. He stared in horror as the word ‘delivered’ appeared below the blue bubble of text.

“What’s wrong with you? I’ve been calling your name for five minutes.” Gerard said, leaning back against the opposite counter.

“Sorry. I…it doesn’t matter. What’s up?”

“I was saying that Richie is the same age as you. You grew up here, right? So, did you know him?”

“No.” Eddie answered too quickly. “I mean, I knew who he was. I just didn’t really…know him.”

“That sucks. If you’d had any friends in high school, maybe you could have gotten us tickets to the show.”

“I had friends, Gerard.” Eddie finally put his phone away, sure that Richie wouldn’t respond anyway.

“Then where are they, huh? Or do you like hanging out with your coworkers that are fourteen years younger than you?”

“I’m twenty-four! That’s only like eight years!” Eddie said, throwing the towel they used to wipe the counter at him.

“That’s still a lot.”

“Go finish stocking the shelves you prepubescent asshole.”

Gerard threw the towel back at him and flipped him off but did what he was told. Alone again, Eddie pulled his phone back out to see that the text still said ‘delivered’. He didn’t even know if Richie had it set up so you could see when he read a message. Probably not. Easier to ignore people when they couldn’t tell you’d read their texts. He sighed and dropped his head down to the counter. He hadn’t seen Richie is six years, why was he still so in love with him? Whoever said absence makes the heart grow fonder was 100% abso-fucking-lutely correct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning for Eddie to find out about Richie coming for a visit in this chapter but sometimes things feel like they come to a natural end and this one did so...it will happen in chapter two, promise. Gerard was created for the singular purpose of Eddie having someone to talk to.  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie finds out that his first love is coming back to town and he tries to avoid seeing him again.

Eddie had just settled into his shift at the general store. There were only a handful of people who worked at the store and Eddie worked most days from opening to close. Which wasn’t as bad as it sounded. No one really shopped before 10am or after 6pm and most of the day was spent sitting on a stool behind the counter and reading on his phone. On this particular day he was working alone until Gerard got out of school for the day. It had been quiet like it usually was on Wednesdays and Eddie allowed himself to zone out reading dumb posts on Facebook.

When the front door flew open, crashing against the cart return, Eddie just about fell off the stool in shock, dropping his phone on the counter. He looked up to see Gerard rushing in, only glancing at the door to see if he’d broken anything. He was out of breath, his face red and his backpack hanging half open.

“What is wrong with you? You realize you’re not late right?” Eddie asked, grabbing a water bottle from their little cooler beneath the counter and tossing it to him.

Gerard leaned against the counter and cracked open the water, taking a long drink and draining half of it. “I…would not…run…even if…I was…late.” He said, panting.

“Then why did you?”

“Have you…checked twitter?”

“No. Why?”

Gerard pulled out his phone and slid it across the counter to Eddie. “READ!” He shouted, half collapsing on top of the counter and drinking more of the water sideways. He spilled a bit and wiped it up with his sleeve.

Eddie picked up the phone and looked down at the screen. One of the news twitter pages, that mostly posted dumb celebrity gossip, was open on a post of a picture of Richie. “Comedian and actor Richie Tozier rumored to be returning to his hometown to take care of his sick father” was in bold text above the picture. Eddie’s hand began to shake as he read the words again and again. There was no way to know if it was true until he showed up or didn’t. Either way, the anxiety and excitement were both mixing together inside Eddie and he suddenly felt lightheaded.

“Is…is this true?” Eddie asked, finally looking back to Gerard.

He lifted his head up off the counter with a big grin on his face. “I don’t know. He hasn’t confirmed or denied, but can you imagine!!! Richie fucking Tozier might come back here. This town is so small I’ve got a 90% chance of seeing him.”

“Unless he spends his whole time hiding out in his parent’s house.”

“Don’t even joke about that. You’ll jinx it.” Gerard rounded the counter and took his phone back from Eddie. “Aren’t you excited? You’ll get to meet him!”

“Yea…I mean…I probably won’t even try.”

“Excuse me? Do you hate yourself?”

“Yes. I hate myself. That is why I don’t want to throw myself at the first famous person to come back to Derry just like everyone else.” That was only partially true. In truth, Eddie was terrified of seeing Richie. It had been six years already and he hadn’t even bothered to respond to his text about the Netflix special. He wouldn’t even know how to face him. It seemed like it would be hard to fall back into their old ways and he didn’t even know if that’s what Richie would want. If he cared so much about being friends with him, wouldn’t he have done a better job of responding to Eddie?

“Ok fine, be that way. I, on the other hand, will be stalking him the entire time he’s here.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“It’s not like I’m going to show up in his bedroom naked or anything. I just need him to notice me, get his number, text him every day for the next two years and then when I turn eighteen, he can fly me out to live with him and be his sex slave.”

“Gerard…I swear I will tell your mother that you are thirsty for a guy 8 years older than you if you even think about stalking him.”

“Wow. Jealousy is so ugly on you.” Gerard scowled at Eddie in the way he always did when he wasn’t really mad and left him there to go put his stuff in the break room.

Eddie’s nerves didn’t calm down at all as he grabbed his phone and immediately did a search to see if the rumors were true. If Richie were smart, he wouldn’t say anything about it. He’d already publicly talked about Derry in the past, used it as material for his jokes, so all his fans knew where he’d be going if he confirmed it. He opened his messages and immediately tapped Bev’s name. They both lived in New York and she had dressed him more than once for his shows, a fact she was proud of. That meant they were in regular contact and she might know the truth.

_Eddie: Hey…Bev…have you talked to Richie lately?_

_Bev: No. What’s up?_

_Eddie: My coworker is a fan and heard a rumor that his dad was sick, and he was coming home…thought you might know if it’s true_

_Bev: I haven’t heard anything. Hang on I’ll ask._

_Eddie: Please don’t tell him I asked!!_

Eddie’s heart was in his throat as he stared down at his phone for what felt like forever but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. Gerard came back out from the break room and joined him behind the counter again.

“Well, now that I’ve graced you with my presence, are you going to take a break?” He asked, taking the second stool as his own.

“Yea. I could use some fresh air. I’ll be back in fifteen. Be nice to the customers while I’m gone.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as he took off his apron folded it before setting it on the little shelf below the counter. He could have used a distraction at the moment, but with the store empty of any customers, work wasn’t doing the trick. He hadn’t lied about needing fresh air either. He felt like he might be sick from the tight ball of anxiety churning in his stomach while he anxiously awaited a response from Bev, praying she read his last text before saying anything. He didn’t really know why he didn’t want Richie to know he’d asked. Maybe he didn’t want him thinking he was excited to see him. It’s not like Richie knew he had become a fan or that he may have had explicit dreams of him a couple (hundred) times.

Eddie made his way down the street, breathing in the crisp spring air and trying not to sneeze from all the pollen. He’d grabbed his inhaler from the pocket of his apron just in case and it felt like an anchor in his pocket. Usually when he walked alone, he kept his eyes on the ground, but now he couldn’t help looking at all the faces of those passing by on the street or in cars, checking to see if any of them were Richie. Part of him wished they were, part of him wished they weren’t. When his phone finally buzzed in his pocket, he nearly tripped and dropped it as he whipped it from his pocket.

_Bev: So, his dad is sick. Nothing too serious but he does need surgery. Richie is coming back for that and to help out for the first week after while he recovers._

_Eddie: Ok…that’s good. That it’s not serious I mean. Not that he needs surgery._

_Bev: Should I tell Richie to text you when he’s getting in?_

_Eddie: No. Please don’t say anything about me. I don’t think he wants to see me._

The typing bubble showed up for a second on Bev’s side before disappearing. A few more seconds later, her face was flashing on his phone with a new call. Taking a deep breath to regulate his breathing and hopefully keeping his voice even, he answered.

“Hey.” He said, beginning to walk again.

“Why wouldn’t he want to see you?” She asked without greeting him.

“I don’t know. We aren’t really friends anymore.”

“Ok, wait a second. I know you guys didn’t really talk that often but since when aren’t you friends?”

“He hasn’t said anything about it?”

“Does it sound like he’s said anything to me?”

Eddie sighed and entered the park where he was sure to find an empty bench in the shade. Memories of picnics with his friends and games of kickball on the grass came filtering back. He would have smiled if it weren’t for the heavy feeling of loneliness that washed over him. Part of him wanted to finally take one of them up on the offer to visit so he wouldn’t be in town while Richie was there. There was something about not seeing him because of distance, and not seeing him when he was a stone’s throw away that was very painful to think about. Finding a bench away from other people enjoying the warmer weather, he sat and stared down at his knees.

“We just…aren’t friends anymore.” Eddie knew that was a pathetic answer, but he felt pathetic, so did it really matter?

“That’s not good enough, Eds. Did you fight?”

“No. It’s hard to fight with someone you don’t talk to anymore.”

Bev sighed and he couldn’t tell if it was from annoyance or concern. “You need to back up and tell me everything. I know things weren’t great after Richie left Derry, but neither of you ever told us why. What happened?”

“He asked me to go with him to New York and I said no.”

“Ok…I can’t believe he didn’t tell me that. Why did you say no?”

“Because I couldn’t leave my mom behind. You know how she is. It would have killed her. So, he got really mad at me and we didn’t talk for a long time.”

“Eddie, sweetie, your mom would not die if you left her. Is that why you’re still in Derry?”

“Yes.” He chewed the side of his thumb, a nervous tick he’d picked up at a young age.

“Ok, we’ll come back to that. I thought he got over being mad and you started talking again.”

“We did for a while. Then he stopped responding to me most of the time. Now I’m lucky if I get an emoji back. Didn’t he do that to everyone else too? Too busy being famous to keep up with his childhood friends?”

“No.” Bev’s voice was laced with sympathy and she immediately fell into old habits of putting on kid gloves with Eddie. “He still talks about you. That’s why I didn’t know about…well…he doesn’t act like he’s mad at you. Still uses those nicknames you always hated. Maybe it’s just a miscommunication.”

Eddie felt like he might cry as he dug his nails into his palms, creating little half moon indents in his skin. He wished he was at home where no one could see him. Feeling like he might explode, he stood and began walking back to the store. His fifteen minutes were almost up already anyway.

“Sorry, Bev. I’ve got to go. I’m on my break and it’s ending.” He said, hoping she couldn’t tell how upset he was from his voice.

“Eddie, call me later if you need to, ok? I’m here.”

“Yea. Ok.”

“And maybe try talking to him while he’s there. I’m sure he’ll want to see you. You were…are…his best friend.”

“Bye, Bev.”

He hung up as she said goodbye. He’d been walking more quickly than before and made it back to the store in record time. Gerard looked up at him, opening his mouth to say something snarky no doubt, but stopped when he saw Eddie’s face. He knew the tears were visible. He’d been unable to keep some from spilling over.

“You ok, dude?” Gerard asked, his eyes wide.

“I’m fine. Allergies are bad. Spring flowers and all. I’ll go wash my face.” Without waiting for a response, he darted back to the staff bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Finally alone, he sat on the floor, not thinking about how disgusting it was, and cried. Part of him had hoped that Richie hadn’t just chosen him to ignore. Had moved on without all of them, not just him. Of course, he knew that he was still in contact with Bev but that could have easily just been for business and because she and him lived close. Eddie pictured them all together at Bev’s fashion show, happy without him. He remembered again that he was the only one who didn’t text him that night. He was the only one that didn’t miss him, and that realization hit Eddie right in the chest. First loves were always painful. That’s what he’d read. But they weren’t supposed to last eleven years with no end in sight, tearing you apart again and again until you just can’t take it anymore.

Eddie forced himself to stand, going to the sink and washing his hands thoroughly before splashing cold water over his face. He looked up at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and a little puffy, but he could still blame it on allergies. Grabbing a few paper towels, he dried his hands and his face and tried not to look like someone with a broken heart as he made his way back to his shift.

*

By the time Eddie got home that evening, he was exhausted. His feelings of heartbreak slipped into self-loathing when he realized he had no one to blame but himself for the way their relationship was. If he’d just gone with him when they were eighteen, none of this would have happened. They’d have gotten an apartment together, Eddie could have found work and gone to school while Richie sought out fame. He could have been there, cheering him on every step of the way, supporting one another as they worked toward their goals. Instead, he was still in Derry, alone and miserable working at a general store with a teenager who gave him shit on a daily basis.

Eddie sighed as he paused with his hand on the front doorknob. All he wanted was to go straight up to bed and wallow, but the second he opened that door, his mother would know he was home and immediately bombard him with questions. How was his day, did he eat a healthy lunch, was there any new gossip floating around town? His mom wasn’t really a gossip herself, but she liked knowing what was going on around town. It helped her know who to stay away from.

Finally working up the courage, he pushed the door open and stepped inside, kicking his shoes off next to the door. He could hear the TV on in the living room and movement in the kitchen.

“Eddie bear, is that you?” His mother called from the other room.

“Yes.” He called back, adding under his breath, “Who the fuck else would it be?”

She appeared in the doorway between the hallway and the kitchen, a dishrag in her hands. “How was work? I’m just finishing up dinner.”

“It was fine and I’m not hungry.”

“Not hungry? Are you sick?” She quickly closed the distance between them and pressed her hand to her forehead.

He gently batted her hand away and ducked out of her reach. “I’m fine. I ate a sandwich from the deli at work.” It was a lie, but better than her trying to take care of him. “I’m tired, long day, so I’m going to go lie down.”

“Are you sure you aren’t sick? Let me take your temperature.” Sonia turned to go back toward the kitchen to retrieve the thermometer.

“I’m not sick! I’ve just had a bad day. I’m going upstairs to take a shower and lay down, so just leave me alone.”

Eddie didn’t wait for her response as he went up the stairs and straight to his bedroom. With the door closed, he set his bag on the floor and let himself fall face first into the mattress. He felt terrible. A headache had come on after he’d cried and the pills, he’d taken were only just starting to take effect. Gerard had at least pretended like he’d believed it was allergies that were causing the tears and puffiness. Eddie had already lied to him about not knowing Richie, he didn’t want to have to explain that he was the reason he was crying.

Eddie pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the conversation with Mike. They hadn’t spoken in about a week, the last thing he’d sent was a recipe for these marshmallow cookies they used to eat as kids. Mike had been feeling nostalgic and wanted to make them for the friend he’d made in Florida.

_Eddie: Hey, Mikey. Did your friends like the cookies?_

_Mike: Yea they were a hit! Thanks for the recipe._

_Eddie: No problem._

He stared at the screen for a moment, hesitating to type out the next message. A surge of anxiety twisted in his gut when he thought again about seeing Richie. That was enough to get his shaky fingers moving across the keypad again.

_Eddie: So…is the offer to come visit still a thing?_

_Mike: Absolutely! When were you thinking?_

_Eddie: Like now. Maybe for a week?_

_Mike: You mean when Richie is going to be in Derry?_

_Eddie: Oh…is he? Oh well_

_Mike: Bev already got to me, Eds. I’m pretty sure she got to Stan and Bill too. We’re not going to let you avoid seeing him._

_Eddie: You all suck and we are no longer friends_

_Mike: I know, bud. We’re the worst. Let us know how it goes though, yea?_

Eddie sent back the middle finger emoji and dropped his phone on the bed beside him. So much for running away. The odds of seeing Richie really weren’t that great. He honestly couldn’t see him roaming around the town freely since he’d gained fame. As long as he avoided the street his parents lived on, he probably wouldn’t run into him.

Eddie buried his face into a pillow and let out an aggravated half yell half growl. How pathetic could he get? The thought of seeing Richie made him too anxious to function but the thought of actively avoiding him when this was a chance to reconcile made him want to cry. Because of course he wanted to see him. He loved him. More than just romantically. Before he’d realized how deep his feelings went, he’d loved him the way he loved all the Losers. Like someone precious that he didn’t want to lose. But he had. He’d lost him and it was his fault.

*

It became painfully obvious how boring Eddie’s life truly was. He worked, did homework, ate and slept. Sometimes he’d try to do something for himself. Going to grab a drink for instance. With the renewed knowledge that he was alone, his only friend a sixteen-year-old, it became too sad to think about. Sitting alone on a bar stool, scrolling through social media on his phone while he drank, never bothered him before. Now he felt pathetic. So, his life became monotonous.

He actually looked forward to the busy hours at the store. At least socializing with the parents and elderly in the town was a distraction. He was polite and always smiled, so they liked him and were always willing to chat for a minute as he rang up their purchases. They definitely preferred him to Gerard, who was usually tasked with stocking, cleaning or inventory so he didn’t interact with the customers. It was a miracle he hadn’t been fired yet, though part of that was before Eddie covered for him more than he probably should have.

Eddie had been at work when he’d heard the news that Richie was in town. He’d been ringing up a counter full of groceries when two girls around their age came into the store. They walked to a nearby aisle where they stocked shampoo. Eddie wasn’t planning to eavesdrop, but it was hard to ignore them when they were so close by and the store was mostly empty and quiet.

“Have you seen him yet?” One of the girls asked, excited.

“No but Katherine said she saw his cab drive by.”

“Do you think he’ll, like, go to the bars to pick someone up?”

“He’s from New York. Do you really think he’ll want to pick someone up in Derry?”

“Why not? He might as well have some fun while he’s here. I propose we go bar hopping tonight and try to run into him.”

“Is he even that good looking?”

“Who cares. He’s famous. It’s an experience.”

Of course, Eddie knew who they were talking about. He hadn’t realized he was in town yet and the shock of it caused him to drop a can of corn behind the counter. He apologized to the customer and scooped it up, checking it for dents. For the rest of the day, every time someone walked past the store his heart jumped into his throat. Part of him knew that he wouldn’t come by, but he couldn’t help reacting.

When Gerard arrived for his shift, Eddie was slumped against the counter, eyes closed and looking miserable. The teen approached slowly, setting a to-go coffee on the counter and sliding it over to him like he was offering a treat to a wild animal.

“I come baring coffee.” He said, leaning on his arms across the countertop.

Eddie opened his eyes and looked at the other boy. It had been a long day of endless nerves and he was grateful for the gift of caffeine.

“Thanks.” He said, picking up the cup and taking a long drink from it.

“Rough day?”

“Yep.” Eddie sighed.

“Well, this might make you feel better. Richie is in Derry. It wasn’t just a rumor. He’s actually here!” Gerard excitedly bounced on the balls of his feet as he spoke.

“Great.” Eddie dropped his head down on the counter and closed his eyes again.

“Are you serious right now? How are you not excited?”

“I told you, I don’t want to meet him.”

“I thought you were joking.” Gerard turned away from Eddie, leaning his back against the counter instead and taking a sip from his own coffee. Eddie looked up again when he heard him spit the coffee out a second later.

“Dude. What the fuck?” Eddie said, looking over the counter to see how much of a mess he’d made.”

“Richie…” Gerard’s voice was high pitched and urgent. “Outside. Right now.”

Eddie looked to the front doors and sure enough, beyond the glass was Richie, standing on the sidewalk and talking to someone. Eddie watched as he awkwardly leaned down to take a selfie with the girl. Trying to get away from the interaction, Richie took a step closer to the store and put his hand on the door.

“Oh my God. He’s coming in here! How do I look?” Gerard asked.

Eddie stood from his stool and began backing out from behind the counter, keeping his eyes on Richie. He still hadn’t turned, hadn’t seen Eddie inside.

“I’m going on a break. You deal with him.” Eddie said, turning and dashing back to the break room.

“What? Are you kidding right now?! I don’t even have my apron yet!” Gerard yelled after Eddie, but it was pointless, he was already behind the door.

Gerard turned back to the door when he heard the bell above it jingle. Richie entered the store and looked at the teen awkwardly lounging against the counter.

“Uh…hi. Do you work here?” Richie asked, looking around the store.

“Yes. I do. I work here all the time.” Gerard stammered, rounding the counter and dropping his backpack on the ground.

“OK. Cool. Can you help me with something then?”

“Yes. Absolutely. I can do whatever you want. I mean, I can help with whatever you want. Wow, I’m just…a huge fan of yours.” Gerard knew his face must have been red as he not to inconspicuously looked Richie up and down.

“Oh, thanks.” Richie was grateful was awkward. “So…I um…”

“My coworker is a huge fan too. He’s in the back though. He left me out here alone.”

“I see.”

“He’s your age. I’m only sixteen. You wouldn’t remember me. I was like ten when you left Derry.”

“Yea…I really need-.”

“Believe me, I wish I was older. Legal. Or…that was stupid. Not like I’m…thinking you’d be into me if I were…older…”

They both fell silent for a moment, Richie just looking at Gerard, a small smile on his lips like he was trying not to laugh. Gerard winced and internally hated himself for not being able to keep his mouth shut or at least say something that didn’t make him sound stupid. It was probably better if he just kept his mouth shut and he would get his revenge on Eddie for leaving him out on the floor alone with Richie.

“Right…so, I was sent to find some kind of corn pepper and I’m not going to lie, I have no idea what that is.” Richie said, choosing not to comment on what he’d say and embarrass him further.

“You mean peppercorn?”

“Yea that.”

“Um, ok, I think we have that but I’m not sure. I should ask my coworker. He would know better than I would.” Revenge was best served hot, right? Or was it cold? Didn’t matter, Gerard was petty, and he was going to drag Eddie out of the break room and let him get embarrassed too.

He held up a finger to Richie, mouthing ‘one minute’ while he left the counter to go and knock on the break room door.

“Hey, I need your help out here.” He called through the door.

“Handle it yourself!” Eddie’s sharp whisper came from the other side.

“I can’t. I need your expertise.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Lovely use of language when we have a customer. You are technically my superior, so shouldn’t you be helping me?”

“No!”

Not having it anymore, Gerard twisted the doorknob and twisted it open only to have it pushed back against him. The two struggled against either side of the door, both trying to overpower the other. Eddie was cursing under his breath, his shoes slipping against the concrete floor of the break room. Gerard grunted with effort.

“Are you seriously being like this right now?” Gerard called through the door, louder than before.

“You’re the one being a dick!” Eddie yelled back.

“This is your job, asshole! How fucking old are you?”

Richie had come to see what the commotion was, a grin on his face as watched in amusement while they fought of dominance of the door.

“You’re making me look stupid!” Gerard yelled.

“Then go away!”

“No!” Drawing back a bit, Gerard slammed his shoulder against the door, finally winning and pushing the door open.

Eddie stumbled back a bit and glared at the boy who cheered silently while trying to catch his breath. Just because he got the door open, doesn’t mean he could make him go out on the floor. If he’d known that Richie was just beyond the door, he wouldn’t have put up such a fight for his amusement. Of course, he didn’t know he was right there, so he would continue to be stubborn.

“I win.” Gerard said, entering the room enough to grab Eddie’s wrist.

“No, fuck you. I’m not going out there.”

“You are being ridiculous! What am I, your mother trying to drag you into the doctor’s office??”

“You’re the one causing a scene!”

“I swear I will start telling every embarrassing story I know if you don’t come out here right now Eddie!”

Richie’s smile fell away at the sound of an all too familiar name. He stepped forward and peeked around the doorframe only to see his Eddie, clawing at the hand of his coworker and looking up at Richie like a deer caught in the headlights. Distracted, he stopped fighting and Gerard was able to pull him from the break room and out onto the floor. Eddie stumbled, catching himself by grabbing Gerard’s shoulder.

“Eddie.” All Richie did was say his name, but it sent a bolt of electricity up his spine.

“Oh…hey, Rich.” Eddie said, straightening up and smoothing his hands down the front of his apron.

“What are you doing here?”

“I…work here…”

“Hold up one fucking second here. You two know each other?” Gerard asked.

“We’re childhood friends.” Richie said.

Eddie turned to Gerard and pleaded with his eyes for him not to say anything. It was obviously he was pissed about being lied to, but mercifully he said nothing. For now, at least.

“Isn’t that nice. Childhood friends. With a famous person. I feel like that’s something you’d tell your new best friend but whatever.” Gerard walked past Eddie into the break room to grab his apron.

“So, you’re still living in Derry then?” Richie asked, looking more beautiful than should be legal.

“Yea. Never left.”

Richie nodded and Eddie wished he could just disappear. He knew it would be awkward. This was the moment he was trying to avoid, and he’d definitely give Gerard and earful after Richie left. Wanting that to be sooner rather than later, he took a deep breath and put a fake smile on his face.

“You’re looking for something right? I can help.” Eddie said as he walked toward the front of the store.

“Uh, yea. My mom sent me for peppercorn.”

He followed Eddie into the baking aisle, where he grabbed a jar for black peppercorn off the shelf and held it out to him. They didn’t speak as he took it from him and followed him back to the counter. All he had to do was ring up the item, take the cash and then he’d be free. Of course, now that Richie knew where he worked there was nothing stopping him from showing up again. If he wanted to. It occurred to Eddie then that if he didn’t even want to return his texts, why would he go out of his way to see him?

“Is this all?” Eddie asked, scanning the jar and putting it in a small bag.

“Yea.”

Richie handed over the money and Eddie put it in the register, counting out his change. Gerard came back from the breakroom with his apron on and came to stand behind Eddie, staring at Richie in awe. Eddie dropped his change and receipt into his hand and set the bag on the counter, a tight-lipped smile on his face.

“There you go.” He said, hoping he’d take his things and go.

“So.” Gerard said, making Eddie want to kick him for prolonging this even a little. “How long have you two actually known each other?”

“Since kindergarten.” Richie answered.

“Are you guys just like casual friends or…” Gerard trailed off, gesturing widely with his hands.

“No. We were best friends. All seven of us.” Eddie said, looking down at a spot on the counter.

“Did Bev know you were still in Derry?” Richie asked.

“Yea. I just talked to her the other day.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t tell me. She knew I was coming here.”

Eddie resisted to urge to say that if he’d bothered to respond to him, he would have known that he was still there. If he hadn’t started ignoring him, effectively ending their friendship in the process, he would have been there to greet him when he arrived. Eddie wanted him to leave, wanted to stop talking to him and end this awkward exchange, but deep down he knew what it felt like to care about this man and his life.

“How’s your dad?” He asked, glancing up at him.

“He’s good. It’s his gallbladder. They’re going to remove it. He should be ok; I just came back as a precaution. Help support my mom, you know?” Richie explained.

“Right…tell them I said hi. If you want.”

“Yea. I will.” Eddie couldn’t read the look on Richie’s face as he stared at him for a long second. “Actually, you should just stop by. I’m sure they’d like to see you.”

“I don’t know if I-.”

“Come on, Spaghetti. It will be like old times.” Richie grinned, reaching out and ruffling Eddie’s hair like he used to.

Eddie hated himself as he felt the heat crawling up his neck to his cheeks. As if the awkward air between them had melted away, he acted on impulse, the way he always would in the past. Swatting his hand away, he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t call me that.” He said.

“Wait…spaghetti? Is that, like, your nickname?” Gerard laughed.

“No.” Eddie said as the same time Richie said, “Yes.”

Richie’s phone chimed and he pulled it out to read his new message. “Shit. I’ve gotta get back. Tell me you’ll come by though.” He said, grabbing the bag off the counter.

“Maybe.” Eddie said, knowing that he wouldn’t.

“Promise.”

“Goodbye, Richie.” Eddie said as the other man smiled and left the store.

Eddie sighed and collapsed on top of the counter as soon as Richie was out of sight. His heart was racing and the feel of his hand in his hair still lingered. He was supposed to be mad at him. He’d ignored him. He kept in touch with all of the Losers except for him. He didn’t even know that he was still living in Derry. But that stupid nickname and that casual touch just reminded him of how much he loved that idiot. Of course, Gerard wasn’t going to let him process his thoughts now. He slid up beside Eddie, his elbows on the counter and his chin in his hands.

“I thought you didn’t know him, Spaghetti.” He said.

“Seriously, do not call me that. I will kill you.”

“Why’d you lie to me?”

Eddie sighed and lifted his head up off the counter. “Things are complicated. We don’t really talk anymore, and I didn’t want to see him. If I had told you we were friends, you would have harassed me to introduce you.”

“Ok, that’s fair. I can’t believe you are actually friends with Richie Tozier!”

“We were friends. Past tense.”

“Oh, come on. He invited you to his house. That is not past tense.”

“Look, you don’t know the full story. I won’t be going to his house. We’re not like that anymore.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Leave it, Gerard. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m going on break for real this time, clean up the coffee you spit on the floor.”

Gerard complained as Eddie headed back to the breakroom. He closed the door behind him and dropped into one of the chairs at the table. He felt too tired to function after that encounter. He’d effectively made a fool of himself in front of the one person he didn’t want to see. Despite his best attempts to ignore thinking about it, the fact that Richie was even more attractive in person invaded his thoughts. He didn’t look like that dopey lanky kid he used to ride bikes with anymore. He looked like a man and Eddie already knew he had new dream fuel for that night. He opened his conversation with Bev and typed out a quick message before leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes, trying to calm himself.

_Eddie: I saw Richie…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really edit this cause I'm lazy so sorry for any typos.  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


	3. One Shared Brain Cell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shit and the ending of it is shit so I added a steamy dream at the beginning, you're welcome

Eddie knew he was dreaming the second it started. He was back in the general store, alone with Richie this time. Instead of reaching out to ruffle his hair, Richie grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him into a toe-curling kiss. He’d never actually kissed Richie, but somehow in his dreams he knew that this was exactly what it would be like. All pressure and teeth clacking with urgency to finally give into the desire to devour the other’s mouth. The feel of Richie’s teeth pulling at his bottom lip before his tongue delves back into the wet expanse of his mouth has him moaning and practically climbing over the counter to get to him.

The kiss ends and Eddie feels a shiver go through his body and then Richie is there behind the counter with him, pulling him to his chest. Eddie begins to think there are far too many clothes between them and this is his dream, so he makes them vanish and suddenly it’s skin on skin. Richie’s hands are everywhere, knowing exactly where to go to ignite sparks across Eddie’s skin. Both of his hands, his big, big hands, grab hold of his ass as he grinds their hips together. Eddie moans and Richie latches his mouth onto his neck, licking and sucking bruises along his skin. Eddie threads his fingers through Richie’s curls while his other hand feels over his broad shoulders. He’s everything he’s ever wanted, everything he’s ever needed.

Just when Eddie thinks it can’t get better, Richie spins him around and pushes him against the counter, his arms splayed out in front of him. Eddie wasn’t very experienced when it came to sex, but even he knew what kind of preparation went into it. Still, it was dream and all he wanted was to feel Richie inside him, pressing his hips into the edge of the counter, his nails scraping the countertop as words tumble from his mouth. Richie presses up against him, his length against the curve of Eddie’s ass and he sucks in a breath, waiting.

He feels Richie behind him, spreading him with his thumbs, ready to take him and then suddenly it’s all ripped away. Eddie is sitting up in bed, panting and sweaty. The alarm on his phone is blaring from his bedside table. Flopping back, he groans and reaches over to shut it off. On Sundays Eddie didn’t have to work. The general store stayed closed for the day, so he had time to himself to catch up on classwork and relax. Still, he set an alarm to keep himself on a schedule for work so he wouldn’t end up a tired, miserable mess. Now, he hated himself for it. He knew that seeing Richie the day before would stir something up within him, he just didn’t realize how good it would be. Or would have been if not for his alarm.

The first thing he always did on Sunday mornings was go for a jog around town. As a child, his mom had convinced him he couldn’t run because of his asthma. Of course, that didn’t stop him and as he aged, he found that he actually enjoyed running. He’d wanted to join track in high school but couldn’t without her signature on a permission slip. Instead, he took up jogging and told her he was just going for walks. Lying was easier than arguing with her. Normally he waited until after his jog to shower, but with the mess in his pants from his dream as well as the still present stiffy, he didn’t have much of a choice.

Grabbing his towel and letting it drape down his front, he rushed to the bathroom before he was seen. She wasn’t usually up this early anyway, but anything to avoid an awkward encounter. He adjusted the temperature in the shower until it was just below scalding and stripped out of his clothes and climbed under the spray. Leaning his back against the cold tile of the shower wall, he let his hand drift down to stroke himself. His dream flooded his mind, Richie’s face, Richie’s mouth, Richie’s hands. His eyes fluttered close as he dropped his head back against the wall and bit his lip to keep his voice in. He imagined it was Richie’s fingers that were wrapped around his dick, bringing him closer to the edge.

Richie’s name was on Eddie’s lips in a strangled whisper as he finally spilled into his hand, his whole body coming alive like fireworks sparking off his skin. He blinked tears from his eyes, his chest heaving. He put his hand under the water, letting it wash clean. The realization that he’d just had a sex dream about Richie and then jerked off to him in the shower hit him like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t the first time, but now Richie was in town. He’d already decided not to see him if he could help it, now he dreaded running into him with this fresh in his mind.

There wasn’t much point in having a thorough shower since he’d have to take another after his jog, but he still washed up just to remove all the sweat from his body. Thanks to the unexpected detour from his Sunday routine, Eddie got a late start to his jog. Usually he was gone before his mom even woke up, but by the time he’d dried off and gotten dressed, she was up and cooking breakfast. She insisted he ate before he left, and he felt it wasn’t worth the fight and sat at the kitchen table. She filled a plate with eggs, bacon, toast and fried potatoes and set it in front of him. It was much too much for him to eat before exercising, but he had to at least make it look like he’d made an effort and then promise to reheat it when he got home.

She sat across from him and, while he prayed for a silent meal, she immediately started in on him.

“I don’t see why you insist on going for a walk so early in the morning. You walk to and from work every day. Isn’t that enough?” She asked.

“I like to walk.”

“You always leave so early and I worry about you out there by yourself.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. This is Derry.” He didn’t even look up from his plate while he spoke, knowing exactly what kind of face she was making. The kind of face she always used to try and convince him to do things her way. Sad eyes and a frown, trying to appear concerned when all she really wanted was to control what he did. He’d learned at a young age so ignore it and avoid eye contact.

“What if you trip and fall down into a ditch and break your leg? You wouldn’t be able to get out and what if we don’t find you in time?”

“I always have my cell phone on me. I would just call for help.”

“But, Eddie, what if someone hits you with their car and they panic and put you in their trunk and they have to dispose of your body in some gruesome way? I’ve seen those crime shows. There are so many ways to get rid of a body. They could cut you up or dissolve your body is acid or-.”

“Jesus, mom. Can you stop? I’m not going out before the sun is up and even if I were, I’d just wear a reflective vest. I also watch for cars and don’t run in the street. Can we please talk about anything else?”

She huffed out a sigh and pursed her lips. She didn’t like it when he raised his voice to her but wouldn’t say anything about it. “I just love you, Eddie and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and said nothing. They’d had this almost exact conversation so many times it was getting old. She only did what she did and said what she said because she worried about him and she didn’t want to lose him. He still remembered the placebos she’d forced on him as a child, convincing him he needed them to stay healthy when really, she was teaching him that he needed her. It was a bad memory and he hadn’t forgiven her, but he felt this ridiculous loyalty to her because she was his mother. The little voice in his head, drilled in there by her, telling him that she only did it because she needed him. Maybe he needed therapy.

“I hear one of your miscreant little friends has come back to town.” She said after a brief silence.

“Oh…” Eddie said, not wanting to talk about this either. She always hated Richie. She hated all of his friends, really. She thought they were a bad influence on him and did whatever she could to keep them apart as kids. She still didn’t know about all the times Richie had climbed in through his window at all hours of the night when she’d banned him from the house for the hundredth time.

“That foul mouthed boy who was always hanging around you.”

“It’s Richie, mom. His dad is getting surgery so he’s here to take care of him.”

“So, you’ve seen him then?”

“No.” Eddie lied. “Beverly told me. I’m not friends with him anymore.”

“Well, thank the lord for that.”

Eddie stood from the table and carried his plate to the microwave, putting it in and closing the door. “I’m full. I’ll eat the rest when I get back.” He said, turning toward the hallway.

“Be careful!” She called after him.

He didn’t say anything back, closing the front door behind him harder than he needed to. Eddie didn’t like the way she spoke about Richie. He’d been one of the only things that kept him sane growing up. He was the one he’d turn to when something was wrong, only going to the other after speaking to Richie. He was the one he’d run to every time. If he could go back in time to when they were still friends, he would in a heartbeat. Letting Richie leave Derry without him was the biggest regret of his life.

He slipped his headphones into his ears and pressed play on his music, turning it up loud enough to drown out his thoughts. He walked until he was out of sight of the front windows of the house, knowing she was likely there watching him go. As soon as he knew she could no longer see, he started at a brisk pace. It was the perfect time of year for outdoor exercise. The remnants of winter ice and snow were gone, but the air was still cooler bringing a nice breeze to his warm skin as he ran. The streets around him blurred as he let himself zone out, focusing on the feel of his feet against the pavement.

Every Sunday, he ran the same route around the neighborhood that looped back around to his house, giving him roughly three miles in total. If he’d been allowing himself to think, he might have remembered he’d picked this route as a teenager to go past his friend houses. All except Bev’s and Mike’s since the former lived in an apartment in town and the latter lived on his grandfather’s farm. He’d pass Bill’s house, usually waving as him and his brother were herded into the car to head to church. Then he’d loop by Ben’s who would likely still be sleeping. Stan would be up and sometimes out on his porch. He’d say hello as Eddie ran past. Sometimes Eddie would stop, and Stan would have a glass of water ready for him.

The last stop was Richie’s. When Eddie first started jogging, he’d always be asleep. As soon as he learned of Eddie’s preferred route, he’d set an alarm and be in his bedroom window, bedhead present and half asleep. He’d cheer Eddie on as if he were running a race and watch him pass until he was out of sight. It always made Eddie smile as he knew Richie would be back to sleep in minutes, only waking up to see him for the briefest of moments. It was stupid and silly, and he loved him for it.

That had been so long ago now, Eddie rarely thought about the fact that he was passing by his friend’s houses. Until, of course, he turned onto the next street and saw Richie and his parents standing out by their car. He stopped in his tracks, mouth dropping open as he focused on his breathing and tried to figure out what he should do. He could go back; run back the way he’d come. He could hide until they were gone, but if they drove past and saw him that would be embarrassing. Before he had a chance to make up his mind, his eyes were meeting Richie’s over the top of the car.

Richie stepped around the car, his face splitting into a wide grin. “I was wondering if you were going to stop by.” He said, closing the distance between them.

“I wasn’t…I’m not…” Eddie stammered, pulling his headphones from his ears. “I was just out jogging.”

“That’s right. You used to do this every week. I’d forgotten all about that.” Richie looked back over his shoulder to the car where his parents were talking. “Come over and say hi.” Without waiting for a response, Richie wrapped his fingers around Eddie’s wrist and gently pulled him in the direction of the driveway.

Eddie had a mix of emotions going through him. He was a little hurt that Richie hadn’t remembered his jogging routine because he’d always felt weirdly special that he’d gotten up just to see him when he ran by. Then he felt nervous at the feel of Richie’s skin against his wrist. The memory of his dream flooded his mind, filling his cheeks with color. Just the act of Richie touching him sent electricity up his arm. A wave of nostalgia crashed over him, remembering all the times Richie had led him this way. The way he so casually did it after all these years made him forget the last six years for a second.

“Look who’s here.” Richie said as they approached the car.

“Eddie. Nice to see you.” His mother smiled at him.

“N-nice to see you too.” Eddie said, feeling awkward. “How are you feeling, Mr. Tozier?”

“I’ve been better. As soon as this useless gallbladder is out of me, I think I’ll feel a lot better.” He responded, patting the right side of his stomach.

“That’s where they’re headed now. His surgery is this afternoon.” Richie explained.

“Oh…um…good luck? Sorry I don’t know what to say to someone getting surgery.” Eddie winced.

“Good luck sounds alright to me, my boy.” Wentworth let out a chuckle, slapping Eddie on the back.

“Alright, come on, now. We’ve got to get you there and checked in.” Maggie said, opening the driver’s side down and climbing in. “I’ll call you when he’s out.” She said to Richie before shutting the door.

Eddie and Richie stepped onto the lawn and waved as they pulled out and drove off down the street. Suddenly everything was awkward again and Eddie just wanted to get back to his jog and get home. He didn’t know how to just leave now. All his instincts when it came to Richie seemed to be gone and he found himself speechless like he was standing with a stranger. It was infuriated and he searched for what he’d say to a random acquaintance in this kind of situation. Still, nothing came to his mind so he just stood there, staring at the street and wishing that moment would end.

“I’m starving.” Richie said suddenly, breaking the silence. “You want to grab breakfast?”

“Oh…I already ate actually.”

“Lunch then. The diner. Around twelve?”

“I…I’m not sure…”

“I’m not taking no for an answer, Eds. I’ll be waiting for you so you’d better show. Otherwise you’ll see news articles about Trashmouth Tozier being stood up on all the gossip sites.” Richie grinned as he walked backwards toward the porch.

“I don’t know if I can make it.” Eddie lied. Of course, he could. He had homework and some discussion board questions to answer but that took no time at all. He just didn’t want to. Which was also a lie because he loved him and missed him like crazy. He hated the jolt of excitement that went through him at being invited out to eat by Richie, like they hadn’t eaten lunch together every day in school.

“I’ll see you at twelve.” Richie ignored him, waving and disappearing back into his house.

Eddie stood there with his mouth open, flabbergasted at how he was able to act like no time had past between them at all. He wouldn’t go. Richie would end up sitting there alone and get the hint that Eddie didn’t want to see him. Then things could go back to normal and Eddie could avoid the pending argument and pain that was coming their way. Shaking himself from the moment, Eddie replaced his headphones and turned his music up just a bit more as he took off down the street. He ran a bit faster now, trying to run out the excess adrenaline that was flowing through him.

*

When Eddie arrived back home, he’d taken a second shower and set to work on his homework. There really wasn’t much he had to do, but he worked slow, dragging it out as long as he could. By 11:30 he was completely done. He looked around his room for anything that needed to be cleaned or at least tidied up a bit. He made his bed, folded some laundry and put it away. When there was nothing left there, he ventured downstairs hoping his mother had left the breakfast dishes. All that was left was his plate he’d left in the microwave. He disposed of the food and cleaned the plate exceptionally well and dried it with a dish rag until there wasn’t a drop of water left and it was ready to be put away. Looking at the clock on the stove, he found it was only 11:50.

Going to the pantry, he pulled out the broom and dustpan and swept the kitchen floor and the hallway making sure he got under every piece of furniture and in every corner. When that was done, he wiped down the countertops, the stovetop and the kitchen table. The next time he looked at the clock it read 12:03. Richie would already be there, sitting in a booth and watching out the window for Eddie to arrive. He’d know what Eddie felt all those times he’d sent him a message just to have it ignored.

Sitting at the table, Eddie stared at the clock on the stove and watched 12:03 turn into 12:04. This was a good idea. Richie would get the hint and leave him alone. He wouldn’t try to see him again or contact him and he could really work toward getting over him. As the clock ticked over to 12:05, Eddie’s stomach twisted and, hating himself, he stood from the chair and rushed out the door. He ran down the streets of the neighborhood, headed toward town. He could have grabbed his bike, but the thought didn’t even cross his mind until his lungs were burning, and he was turning onto Main street. He slowed his pace when the diner was in sight, breathing deeply and trying to catch his breath. He was sweating again and wiped at his forehead with his sleeve. He didn’t want Richie to know he’d run there.

As he approached the diner, he stopped in the parking lot and looked up at the big windows. He could see Richie sitting there in a booth. He was looking at his phone and frowning. Eddie looked down at his own phone and saw it was already 12:15. A ten-minute mile was his best time now and he hated that he achieved it while running to Richie, who he’d said he wasn’t going to meet. When he looked back up, the expression on Richie’s face really registered and he saw how sad he looked. Sad because Eddie was fifteen minutes late and he didn’t think he was going to show. Part of Eddie wanted to turn and go home before he saw him standing there, but the other part of him wanted to wipe that look off his face and never see it again.

Unable to make a decision, his feet glued to the spot, he lost his chance to escape when Richie finally looked out the window and saw him. His face immediately lit up with a smile and Eddie used every ounce of his strength to force himself to walk into the diner. He walked to the booth and slid in across from Richie, feeling like he was moving too stiff to be natural.

“I didn’t think you were going to show.” Richie said, the corners of his mouth twitching like the thought made him want to frown again.

“I was just…finishing some homework and lost track of time. Sorry.”

“Homework?”

“I take online classes.”

“Really? What are you studying?”

Eddie suddenly felt like he was talking to a customer at the convenience store while he rang up their groceries, not the person he’d been in love with for more than ten years and friends with for longer. It was this awkwardness, not knowing what to say to one another, that he wanted to avoid. Menial small talk that was forced and boring. And of course, he was still angry with him, hurt that he’d been abandoned and ignored for so long. Every time he looked at him, he felt sick to his stomach with anger and heartache that was overwhelming.

“A little bit of everything. I don’t really know what I want to do.” He finally answered, looking down at his hands resting on the table. He picked at the edges of his fingernails, needing something to do with his hands to distract himself.

“I figured you’d be in med school by now.”

Eddie was going to say that he would love to go to med school, but it wasn’t really an option for him because he’d have to leave Derry, when their waitress approached. She smiled at them both, a pen and pad of paper in hand.

“Are you ready to order?” She asked in a sweet as sugar voice.

“Er, sorry, I haven’t actually looked at the menu yet.” Eddie said, looking up at her.

“That’s alright. I’ll come back.” Even though she was talking to Eddie, she was looking at Richie.

Eddie watched her walk back behind the counter where she joined the other waitress that was working. They both whispered while looking at Richie and grinning from ear to ear. Eddie was so caught up in his thoughts, he’d honestly forgotten that Richie was a celebrity now. It was still crazy to think about even though he’d seen the evidence online. Been a secret fan of his childhood crush. He always knew his friends were all talented and destined for greatness.

“It’s…good to see you, Eds.” Richie said, bringing his attention back to him.

When Eddie met his eyes, he saw something there. Sincerity maybe. Fondness as if he was looking at something dear to him. It was a look he’d seen in the past that always made his heart skip a beat because, yea, he mattered to this boy that he loved. But, how could he still look at him that way after not wanting anything to do with him for so long? The rejection still ached, and he couldn’t just ignore that he’d been a bad friend to him and pretend it never happened.

“Really?” Eddie asked, knowing this probably wasn’t the time or place to open this box up but not being able to hold his tongue. “Is it?”

“Of course. I’ve missed you.”

Eddie couldn’t help the scoff that pushed past his lips. “Usually when you miss people, you reach out to them. Don’t ignore them when they reach out to you.” The flood gates were officially open.

“I wanted to I just…”

“Just what? You virtually vanished from my life six years ago and now you’re acting like we’re still friends.”

“We are still friends. I mean…aren’t we?” That sad look was back on Richie’s face and Eddie ignored the way it made him feel. He wouldn’t backtrack now that he’d started.

“When is the last time you can remember talking to me before you showed back up in Derry?”

“I don’t…I couldn’t get in contact with you.”

“You didn’t even try!” Eddie didn’t mean to raise his voice and looked around the diner at the other patrons and the staff that were now looking at them. He sighed and lowered his voice again. “I sent you a text not even a full week ago and you didn’t even bother to text me back. Yet you can sit here and say you miss me? How am I supposed to believe you?”

“What text?” Richie said, picking his phone up from the table and opening his messages.

“I texted you about your Netflix special. To congratulate you.”

Richie scrolled through messages, in search of the one he’d sent. Eddie could see the reflection of his screen in his glasses, so he knew he wasn’t lying when he said, “I don’t see anything.”

Pulling out his own phone, Eddie opened his conversation with Richie and showed him all of the unanswered texts. They were few and far between, but he had tried. Every so often the urge to get in touch with him would spring up and he’d forget the sting from being ignored long enough to send something. Then he’d remember how much it truly hurt to be ignored and he’d give up again.

Richie read through the messages he’d sent while looking confused. “I never received any of these.”

“They all say delivered, Richie.”

“I’m telling you the truth. You can look through my texts if you want. I don’t…I don’t even have your number anymore.”

“What?”

“I broke my phone a while back and I posted on my private Facebook for everyone to text me so I could get everyone’s numbers again. You didn’t so I thought…I thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“Then shouldn’t the messages just be from an unsaved number? That still doesn’t make any sense.”

“Did you ever even see the post?”

“No.”

Richie sighed and sat back against the booth, breathing out a laugh. “When I broke my phone, I got a new number. With a New York area code. My agent said it made more sense for business contacts than having a number from Maine.”

Eddie stared at him in disbelief. It was such a stupid, simple answer to something that had been plaguing him and he couldn’t just accept that. “Why didn’t you ask Bev or Ben or any of the others why I wasn’t contacting you? If you had just...that doesn’t…ugh you can’t actually be that stupid, can you?”

In spite of himself, Richie smile. “I thought you’d reach out to me when you wanted to. When I left and you didn’t come with me…that was the worst rejection I’d ever gotten in my life. All the rejections I’ve gotten in my career, none of them could compare to that. I thought that’s all that was again. You moving on without me.”

“I didn’t move on without you. I told you that I had to stay here for my mom. I wanted to go. Letting you leave was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I thought you just couldn’t forgive me for it.”

“Jesus, Eds. How the fuck did we let it get this bad?” Richie ran a hand through his hair, making the curls even more wild than they already were. “Here.” He picked up Eddie’s phone again and entered his new number into the contact, erasing the old. “Try it now.”

Eddie went to one of his most used emojis, the middle finger of course, and sent it to the new number. A second later, Richie’s phone chimed, and he smiled down at the message. It felt like Eddie had been punched in the stomach and he felt stupid. He didn’t really use Facebook that often and used it even less back then. If he’d just seen that dumb post none of this would have happened. He wanted to laugh and cry and hit himself. Here they were in an age where you could contact someone over an endless number of websites and apps. Instead, both boys took the lack of texts and phone calls to mean it was the end. They were both stupid.

“I feel like a fucking idiot.” Eddie said, digging his nails into his palm so he wouldn’t actually cry.

“You and me both, Spaghetti.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a day late cause I was sick yesterday and slept for thirteen hours  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


	4. Then and Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie wants to see Eddie again. Alcohol plus years of desire come to fruition.  
> nsfw content to follow

When Eddie arrived at work bright and early on Monday morning, the first thought he had was of his dream. He saw himself bent over the counter where he’d have to spend the rest of the day, Richie grinding into his ass and getting ready to rail him. It sent a shiver through him and he had to try to focus on anything else to keep from getting hard right there in the store. He went about opening up the store and found that focusing on different types of spices helped keep the dream and Richie out of his mind. The day was fairly normal. Old people coming and going, shopping and buying groceries. Monday’s were typically pretty busy, people stocking up for the week.

By the time Gerard came in for his shift after school, Eddie was ready for a nap. He was in the middle of checking out Mrs. Sanford when Gerard came in slouching, dragging his feet, his bag hanging almost completely off his arms. He greeted Eddie with a yawn on his way back to the break room. When he emerged minutes later with his apron on crooked, he came behind the counter to open the second register. Half Eddie’s line moved over to the other side and with the both working, the line disappeared quickly.

When they were finally free for a moment, Gerard turned to Eddie with a loud sigh.

“I fucking hate Mondays.” He said.

“Language. We still have customers.”

“Do you know how exhausting it is getting up at 7am?” He asked, ignoring Eddie.

“I’m up at six every morning.”

“But you’re not human so that doesn’t count.”

“Maybe don’t spend Friday through Sunday staying up till 4am.”

“Hey, I only do that on Friday and Saturday. Sundays I only stay up until 2am.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Oh, my mistake. You shouldn’t be tired at all then. That’s plenty of sleep.”

“Fuck you.”

“Language.” He warned again as another customer came to his register.

“What did you do yesterday then? Polish your attendance trophies?”

“I don’t have any trophies.”

“You just said you get up at 6am every morning.”

“So? When I was in high school, I ditched at least once a week to go to the quarry with my friends.”

“Seriously? You mean you used to be fun?”

“I’m still fun. I just have responsibilities now.”

“No, you’re boring now. So, what did you do yesterday oh lord of the dull?”

“I went for a jog, did some cleaning...had lunch with Richie.”

Gerard crossed over to Eddie’s side and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Tell me everything.”

“There’s nothing to tell. We talked about friends.”

“Did you fuck him?”

“What? No! We just had lunch and then parted ways. His dad had his surgery yesterday and he went to the hospital after his mom called.”

“Ok so if he hadn’t left would you have fucked him?”

“It’s not like that with us.”

“Who cares? It could be!”

“I thought you wanted to be with him.”

“I do but you have the upper hand being childhood friends. So, if he chooses you, I will be heartbroken, but I’ll have no choice but to cheer you on. I expect you would do the same for me.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but Richie is straight. Not into guys at all.”

“Bullshit.”

“Don’t believe me if you want but you’ll just end up heartbroken.”

Eddie’s phone chimed and he pulled it from his pocket with a speed that Gerard definitely noticed. He eyed him while Eddie smiled down at the screen and then typed out a message.

_Richie: Are you working today?_

_Eddie: Until 6 like most days._

_Richie: I thought we could go out tonight. Hit up a bar or something._

_Eddie: On a Monday?_

_Richie: I figured they won’t be too crowded tonight so we should be left alone._

_Eddie: Alright, yea I think I can make it_

_Richie: Have you had your break yet?_

_Eddie: No. Gerard just got here and we’re pretty busy_

“Who are you texting?” Gerard asked, sure he already knew the answer.

“A friend.”

“Richie?”

“No. It’s...Beverly.” Eddie didn’t really know why he was lying. He just wasn’t sure he wanted Gerard to speculate about his true feelings for Richie. He wasn’t known for keeping his mouth shut and the odds of him blurting something out in front of Richie was a danger Eddie wanted to avoid.

“Oh yea? What’s she saying?” Gerard leaned on the counter with his elbow on the countertop and his head propped up on his fist.

“She’s saying to mind your own damn business.”

“Language, Edward. There are customers.”

“You’re so annoying.” Eddie sighed.

“Excuse me, if it weren’t for me, you’d have no one to talk to in this shitty town. You love me.”

“Do you really want to brag that I’m only friends with you because I have no other option?” Eddie asked with a laugh.

Gerard grumbled in annoyance and said nothing more when and older woman came to the counter to ask Eddie for help with something. Eddie left the counter in Gerard’s hands while he led the woman to an aisle near the back of the store. A second later, Richie was coming through the doors. He smiled and waved at Gerard as he approached the counter. Gerard let out a weird breathy laugh as he awkwardly waved back.

“You’re back! I guess you really liked that peppercorn!” Gerard said, immediately hating himself for his choice of greeting.

“It was great. I’m here for Eddie this time.”

“Sorry, but he’s not for sale.”

Richie laughed. “I’m not sure I could afford him if he was.”

Gerard snorted and immediately covered his nose and mouth with his hands in embarrassment. Eddie emerged from the aisles and paused when he saw Richie at the counter laughing with Gerard. Seeing him there brough his dream back to his mind for a second before he pushed it away with nutmeg, paprika, cardamom, turmeric. He approached slowly, still not used to talking to Richie after such a long time apart.

“What’s so funny?” He asked as he grew near.

“We’re discussing how expensive you would be.” Richie said, turning to smile at him.

“Ok…well, what are you doing here? Aren’t we seeing each other tonight?”

“Tonight? What’s tonight?” Gerard asked, leaning forward.

“We’re going drinking.” Richie answered when it was clear Eddie wouldn’t.

“On a Monday?”

“Oh, absolutely. It’s the best night to go out. Plenty of attractive people to take home after you’ve had a few. Just make sure you’re drunk enough to think it’s a good idea in the moment and then regret it the next morning when you wake up next to a stranger.”

“Beep beep Richie. He’s only sixteen and he doesn’t need you giving him advice and getting drunk and picking someone up at a bar.” Eddie said.

“I already do that.” Gerard said to Eddie before looking back to Richie. “So, people actually say the ‘beep beep’ thing? I thought that was just a bit for your shows.”

“It’s definitely a real thing people say. It’s the only way to get him to shut up.” Eddie rolled his eyes with a smile.

“My dear friends just don’t like hearing what I have to say because they know I speak the truth.” Richie said, nudging Eddie’s arm with his elbow.

“No, it’s because you aren’t funny, and you never know when to shut up.”

“Please, you definitely think he’s funny. You’ve watched like all his shows online.” Gerard said, outing Eddie for being a secret fan and mortifying him in one breath.

Richie’s grin widened as he looked at Eddie, amused. “Oh really? You watch my shows? Are you a fan, Eds?”

“No…I just thought I should support you.” Eddie said.

“He’s definitely a fan. We spend most days talking about you.”

“Shut the fuck up, Gerard!” Eddie said, giving him a look that said he might kill him if he kept talking.

“Aw, my sweet Spaghetti in a fan of his very best friend.” Richie said, ruffling Eddie’s hair.

Eddie smacked his hand away and glared at him. “I’m ten seconds from kicking you out of the store. You never even told me why you’re here.”

“Oh, right. I wanted to give you something.”

“It couldn’t wait until tonight?”

“I didn’t want to take it to the bar.”

Richie reached into the inner pocket on his jacket and provided a pile of notebook paper, stapled together. The pages were wrinkled and folded, some rips on the edges from years of being handled. He held it out for Eddie to take, whose eyes widened as soon as he realized what it was.

“No fucking way. You still have this?” He asked, his smile returning.

“I found it in my old room last night when I was going through some things.”

“What is it?” Gerard asked, standing on his toes to try and see from his spot behind the counter.

“It’s a comic we made with our friend Bill when we were kids.” Eddie explained, admiring the roughly drawn cover art.

All seven characters based on themselves and their friends were present in pencil and it brought back some good memories for Eddie. The three would write and draw different scenarios while in class and pass them back and forth. Sleepovers were spent huddled over a table plotting and drawing. Bill did the illustrations as he was the best artist out of the three of them. They’d imagined them all as superheroes and had designed outfits for all seven of them. One Halloween they’d convinced the others to dress up as their super selves. Somewhere Eddie was sure he still had the photo from that night.

“I can’t believe this still exists. Maybe we should post it online so people can see where up and coming author Bill Denbrough got his start.” Eddie chuckled.

“Hold up. Your friend Bill that you talk about is _that_ Bill? Holy shit dude. How many famous people do you know?” Gerard asked.

“I don’t know…our fiend Ben is making a name for himself as an architect already and Beverly is definitely going to be a famous fashion icon one day.”

“She dresses me for most of my shows.” Richie added.

“Shit dude. Why are you still in Derry then if all your friends are so successful? Shouldn’t you be out there making a name for yourself too?” Gerard asked, wide eyed.

Eddie didn’t answer. It was a sore spot and he really didn’t want to talk about it in front of Richie. They’d already briefly discussed over lunch why he’d stayed in Derry and he didn’t want to open that wound again so soon. He kept his eyes on the comic as he flipped through the pages. His super self was definitely more impressive than he was. He wouldn’t have stayed in Derry. He would have left to save the world with his friends. Eddie tried not to let it show how sad he was when he looked back up at Richie.

“Thanks for this. It brings back a lot of memories.” He said with a forced smile.

“Yea, I thought you’d like it. I should probably split before someone sees me and posts on twitter where I am. I’ll see you tonight though, yea?” Richie said, backing toward the door slowly.

“Yea. I’ll see you.”

With that, Richie waved one last time before leaving the store and disappearing from sight. Eddie sighed, his smile falling away as he looked down at the pages in his hands again. He was reminded against how much he truly missed his friends. He survived on old memories, text conversations and occasional phone calls. It didn’t compare to the seven of them spending summer nights down by the quarry, drinking cheap booze and talking about their lives and their futures. Eddie longed to feel that way again. To feel unconditional love from the six people he held dearest.

*

Eddie had never cared what he wore in front of his friends in the past. Now, as he stared at his fifth outfit choice so far, he felt like he looked ridiculous. It’s not like this was a date. It was just getting drinks with an old friend and catching up. It wasn’t a big deal at all. He could show up in pajamas and Richie wouldn’t care. Actually, he’d probably give him grief for it but only because Richie didn’t know when to shut up and had to make everything a joke.

Eddie sighed as he stared at himself in the mirror. The jeans were ok, but the button-down shirt was definitely too much. He looked like he was going to a job interview. He stripped that off and traded it for a light blue t-shirt with the Golden Girls on it. It was stupid shirt that was a size too big he’d found at a thrift store outside of town. He thought Richie would appreciate it though.

Throwing a hoodie overtop that was thick enough for the cold spring night, he double checked for his phone, wallet and keys before heading downstairs. He tried to be quiet as he sat on the bottom stair to put his shoes on, but of course his mother was sat in her recliner in front of the TV. He knew she arranged the furniture that way so she could see him coming and going. A little bit of control from his childhood that she hadn’t let go of.

“Eddie bear, where are you going?” She asked.

“I joined a book club.” Eddie had thought of the lie earlier just in case. It wasn’t like she could stop him from leaving the house if he told the truth. He was an adult. But if he’d told her he was going to drink on a Monday night with Richie Tozier, she would have argued and tried to guilt him into staying home. Lying was easier. That’s what he kept telling himself.

“Really? What book are you reading?”

“I don’t know. It’s my first meeting. I’ll find out when I get there.”

“Well, be safe and make sure you don’t stay out too late.”

“Yea, sure.” Eddie said as he made his hasty escape out the front door.

Eddie shivered as the night air hit him. It was officially spring, but nights were still chilly. He zipped up his hoodie and tucked his hands into his pockets as he started his trek into town. Richie had texted him about an hour before to agree on a meeting spot. Eddie suggested the closest bar to their houses since he was walking. He’d briefly thought about taking his bike but decided that was probably a bad idea in case he got drunk. Not only was it dangerous, it counted as drunk driving if he rode his bike under the influence.

It wasn’t a long walk and by the time he made it to the bar, Richie was already standing outside waiting for him. Eddie stopped and stared at him for a moment before he noticed he’d arrived. He was standing with his shoulders up to his ears, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his breath visible with every exhale. For a second Eddie wondered if he was dreaming. So many times, he’d dreamt of reconnecting with Richie, of being with him again. And there he was, standing in the cold waiting for Eddie. It made him smile and for a second he could pretend that no time had passed at all. He could pretend he had followed Richie to New York all those years ago and they were meeting after work for a drink before going home. Together.

Richie finally noticed him, and his face lit up with a grin as he pulled one hand from his pocket and waved. Eddie crossed the street to join him and suddenly he didn’t feel the cold anymore. They greeted one another and headed into the warm bar. Richie was right about it not being crowded given that it was a Monday. There were a few people sitting at one end of the bar, watching whatever sports game was on the TV. Two tables were occupied and appeared to be friends blowing off steam after a long day of work. Eddie figured they must look the same. They opted to take two empty bar stools and made themselves comfortable while they waited for the bartender to come over and take their drink orders.

Richie looked over at Eddie and stared for a long moment before chuckling and looking away again.

“What?” Eddie asked with a smile, wondering if he should get defensive or not.

“I never thought I’d see you in a bar.” Richie said.

“Why not?”

Richie shrugged. “Just didn’t figure it was your scene. Bars are dirty, right?”

“Man, you don’t know me at all anymore. You’d be surprised how often I frequent bars.”

“Really? Eddie Spaghetti is a regular here, huh?”

The bartender made her way over and took their orders, setting two beers down in front of them a second later. They both took a swig, the unfamiliar tension between them creeping its way back in. This used to be so easy, now they felt like strangers. Eddie searched this mind for anything to say, anything he could talk about to break the ice and help them fall back into their old ways. Part of him remembered what it was like to joke around with Richie and speak freely about anything. He wanted that back more than he wanted his next breath.

“So…which bar is your favorite then?” Richie asked, finally breaking the awkward, drawn out silence.

“Uh…it’s outside of Derry a little way. In the city.”

“What’s it called.”

“Why? Planning to head into the city for a drink while you’re in Derry?” Eddie was worried if he told him the name, he’d look it up and realize it was a gay bar. He wasn’t sure he was ready to mess up their reunion by coming out unexpectedly. He didn’t know how Richie would react. None of them had really batted an eye when Stan and Bill announced that they were dating. Still, it was scary telling a new person. Especially when only two people actually knew. Aside from the few guys he’d met at the bar and had killed time with.

“Why not? You can’t expect me to hang around the local bars the whole time I’m here, right?” Richie chuckled.

“Aren’t you out of here in a few weeks anyway?”

“Is there a reason you don’t want to tell me the name of this bar? Worried I’ll show up and embarrass you in front of your city friends?”

Eddie took a long swig from his beer. “It’s, uh, Over the Rainbow.”

“That sounds like a gay bar.”

“Can I get a shot of Jamison please.” Eddie called out to the bartender, not responding to what Richie had just said.

She nodded and poured the shot agonizingly slow while Eddie could feel Richie’s eyes burning holes in the side of his face. She brought it over and set it in front of Eddie and he tipped it back without a second thought. Telling him the name was definitely a mistake. Why didn’t he just make something up? He definitely knew now, and Eddie’s heart was beating so fast he thought it might leap out of his chest and land on the bar in front of him.

“Eds, are you…?” Richie’s question was unfinished. It didn’t need to be finished. They both knew what he meant.

“Another please.” Eddie said, setting the shot glass aside.

She handed him a second and he tossed it back just as quickly as the first. He’d probably regret it later, but for now he needed to get out of his head a little. When he made plans to hang out with Richie, he hadn’t planned on coming out. Especially in such a public place. The music was low and who knew who was listening to them. Richie was still looking at him, but he was too afraid to meet his eyes, to see what expression he was sending his way.

“Hey, Eds, it’s cool. Relax. I just can’t believe you didn’t tell me before given…” Richie said, finally looking away from him.

“Given what? That we used to be best friends?”

“We’re _still_ best friends. We have a lot to make up for, but you mean more to me than anyone and we’re going to get passed all this bullshit, ok? As for…” Richie glanced around the room to see if anyone was obviously listening. “… _that_. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not exactly straight either.”

Eddie finally looked at him, his eyes wide. So, maybe Gerard had been right. “Wait, really?”

“I figured you’d know that.”

“How? You only ever talked about girls back in the day.”

“Jesus, you make us sound old. And I wasn’t exactly eager to broadcast it in this shitty town, you should get that. With how _close_ we were, I thought you knew.”

“I didn’t.”

They fell silent again, but this time it weirdly felt like a wall had disappeared from between them. Maybe speaking honestly was what they needed. Neither one was well known for sharing their feelings easily. Still, they used to tell each other everything so maybe they could get to that point again. The point of blind trust and unconditional love. Eddie was so starved for that kind of intimacy with someone and he was ready to cling onto anything that Richie had to offer at this point.

“So, you watch my stuff.” Richie said, breaking the silence for the second time.

“Yea. On YouTube. I look up clips people have uploaded.”

“You should come out for a live show. I’ll save you a front row seat.” Richie grinned.

“That’s tempting. Getting the Netflix special must be pretty exciting.”

“More like overwhelming. Getting paid to tell jokes is awesome, but there’s a lot of pressure. If something flops, it’s so…public. They want me to get a writing partner.”

“Are people getting tired of the jokes about Derry and your friends?” Eddie asked, taking another long swig of his beer and flagging down the bartender to order a second.

“I guess so.”

“Well, you were never very funny so why should it be any different now?”

Richie laughed and pointed a finger at him. “This coming from my number one fan? I used to have you in stitches when we were young, and you wouldn’t watch my stuff if it didn’t make you laugh.”

“Yea, well a lot of the jokes you tell about your childhood are bullshit.” Eddie chuckled.

“Like what?”

“Ben having a shrine to Beverly in his closet. That was definitely not a thing.”

“I said it might as well have been a thing, not that it was. Ben thought it was funny.”

The bartender brought over their second round and Eddie was already feeling that lightheaded buzzed feeling that spread warmth through his limbs. He hadn’t set out to get drunk, but now here he was, one beer and two shots in and feeling like he could keep going if it let him loosen up around Richie. He wanted to badly to go back to that feeling they used to have and if liquid encouragement was needed, so be it!

“Ok, what about Stan pissing himself in the middle of the pep rally? We all know that he dropped his water on his lap.” Eddie said with a smile.

“It’s funnier if I say he pissed himself.”

“And your first love? Who the fuck is that? You never showed real interest in anyone.”

“Totally made up.” Richie said, putting the bottle to his lips and taking a long drink. He wasn’t looking at Eddie and that made him think he was lying. He wondered who it really was but decided not to press him any further.

They continued to drink and talk, loosening up further as they became more intoxicated. They joked about old times and Richie suggested calling up the other Losers to convince them to come to Derry to see them. They could go for a late-night swim at the quarry like they used to and sleep on one of their floors all huddled together under blankets and sleeping bags. Their parents couldn’t tell them that Bev couldn’t come anymore. They wouldn’t have to sneak her in through the window for once. Richie sent her a text explaining their great plan, but they didn’t receive a response. She was probably sleeping, something they both should have been doing as well.

They closed out the bar, Richie picking up their tab. They entered into the cold night air once more, this time together. Richie draped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders while they walked. It was warm and comfortable, and Eddie forgot about everything he’d been worried about. All he could think about now was the feel of Richie’s fingers tightening on his shoulder. It wasn’t until they were a block away from Eddie’s house that he realized he couldn’t go home.

“Shit, my mom is going to kill me.” He laughed, stopping in his tracks.

“Why? Did you break curfew?” Richie asked with a grin.

“She’s never seen me drunk.”

“So what? You’re a legal adult.”

“Have you met my mother? She’ll definitely wake up when she hears me come in and she will give me shit for the next three weeks if she sees me this shit faced.”

“I guess you’re coming home with me then.”

“What? No. I can’t.”

“You gonna sleep on the lawn? Cause I think that will get you in more trouble.”

“Shit.” Eddie thought for a second. “Still got the couch in your basement?”

“Yep.”

Without another word, the two turned at the next corner and headed to Richie’s house instead. The last time Eddie had been there he’d only seen the outside. Walking inside was almost like stepping into the past. It weirdly still smelled the way he remembered and nothing much had changed. They’d replaced the couch in the living room and the TV was bigger, but everything else was the same. The same pictures hanging on the walls, the same wallpaper and carpet, the same kitchen with the same table and chairs. If Eddie closed his eyes, he could pretend he was sixteen and hanging out at Richie’s after sneaking out of his house.

Eddie followed Richie down into the basement and the nostalgia hit him even harder. So many weekend nights spread out on that floor with their friends, reading comics and watching movies on the shitty box TV with the attached VCR. The time Bill broke his finger messing with Wentworth’s weights in the corner. The old bookshelf full of old dusty novels that hadn’t been touched in ages. The old computer against the wall, that had been replaced by a newer model finally. He remembered the first time Richie had convinced him and the other boys to look up pictures of breasts on that computer when they were twelve. Eddie had thought it was gross and at the time he didn’t understand why. Now he did.

When he turned back from examining the things that were the same and different, he saw Richie setting a blanket and pillow out on the old plaid couch. His cheeks were flushed from a combination of the walk in the cold air and the alcohol. He plopped down on the cushion, which creaked in protest, and patted the spot next to him. Eddie joined him, enjoying the feel of Richie’s arm stretched out behind his head. They’d shared many talks spread out on that couch together. Heart to hearts between two best friends that felt so long ago.

“I lied.” Richie said, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

“About what?” Eddie smiled. “The cat on the skateboard you said you saw going down the street on its own?”

“No. That definitely happened. I mean about my first love.”

“Oh.” His smile fell away and his gut twisted sickeningly. Maybe he’d had too much to drink, or maybe he just wasn’t prepared to hear who had stolen Richie’s heart. “Who was it then?”

“One of the Losers.”

Eddie felt like he could double over in pain from the stab that just landed in his heart. That was worse than some random classmate.

“Beverly?” He was sure all the other guys had had a crush on her at some point. He was sure he had a crush on her before he realized he was 100% gay.

“Nope.”

If he’d said yes, that would have been easier. Richie still liked girls and somehow losing to a girl was easier than to another guy. Especially one of their best friends. What if he still had feelings for him? At one point Eddie had a small thing for Bill and his heart had skipped a beat whenever Mike would easily lift him up as if he weighed no more than a feather. Stan and Ben were the only ones he’d never really felt an attraction to. Not that they weren’t both good looking in their own right.

“Bill?”

Richie smiled. “No not Bill.”

“Mike?”

“No.”

“Ben.”

“Ben’s hot as hell. But no.”

“Then Stan.”

Eddie could feel the vibrations from Richie’s laughter through the couch. “Stan would kick my ass if I said he was my first love.”

“So, it was him.”

Richie finally lifted his head and opened his eyes, looking at Eddie. Despite his best efforts, Eddie couldn’t help looking back at him. His heart was racing and breaking all in the same breath and it was painful.

“It wasn’t Stan.”

Eddie ran through their friends one more time in his head and he was sure he’d been through them all. The only one left was Eddie, unless Richie was going to say he was in love with his own reflection. Which was a possible joke he’d make but Eddie prayed he wouldn’t. He had too many emotions rushing through him at once and he was too drunk to deal with something like that right now.

“Me?” Eddie was breathless and wasn’t sure if Richie had even heard him. But he did and instead of responding, he leaned forward and kissed Eddie. It was soft and chaste, making Eddie’s lips tingle. It was over so fast, he wondered if he had made contact at all.

“It’s always been you, Eds. I thought you hated me for so long after I left. I wanted to bring you with me so badly. Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Eddie heard the tremble in Richie’s voice before he saw the tears in the corners of his eyes. Instinctively, Eddie reached out and cupped Richie’s face between his hands, swiping at the tears with his thumbs as they fell. Not giving in and touching him had been so hard, but now there he was with his hands on his face and wanting nothing more than to crush their lips together. So, he did. He was drunk and in love and overwhelmed and he just needed Richie _so badly_. Part of him worried this was another dream, but when Richie grabbed his ass and pulled him into his lap, he knew it was real. His dreams never felt like this.

Straddling Richie’s lap, he parted his lips and traced patterns on the inside of Richie’s mouth. He tasted different than he’d expected. Not the beer or the Jamison or the pretzels they’d eaten at the bar, just completely _Richie_. His hands were in his hair while Richie’s hands were on his hips, pulling him close with every grind down against him. Years of want and need were coming to fruition and neither could stop themselves as they moaned against the others’ lips. Richie reached for the zipper of Eddie’s hoodie as he pulled it down, pushing the sleeves down his arms and letting it fall to the floor. His hand traveled to Eddie’s jeans next, hesitating over the button.

“Can I?” Richie asked, briefly breaking the kiss.

“Yes.” Eddie’s response was breathy as he dove back in to devour Richie’s mouth.

Richie made quick work of the button and zipper and Eddie all but whined when his hand slid beneath the fabric of his jeans and boxers. He bucked his hips against his hand as his cool fingers wrapped around his semi-hard dick. His hand was dry, but Eddie didn’t care because it was Richie and he was far too gone for it to feel uncomfortable. Richie left his lips to trail kisses down his jawline to his neck. Eddie tilted his head back, allowing for better access.

“Fuck! Richie…” Eddie groaned when Richie nipped at the tender flesh of his neck. “You too. Can I touch you?”

Richie nodded against his throat, lapping over the hurt he’d left behind with his teeth. Eddie fumbled with shaky fingers to unzip Richie’s pants to get his hands on him. Richie moaned against his skin as he wrapped his fingers around him. He was bigger than he’d been expecting. The thought of it being inside him made a shiver ripple throughout his body, but he’d have to wait for a later date to experience that. Eddie lost himself in the feel of Richie’s hot fingers, his lips and teeth and tongue peppering his neck in markings he was too gone to care about right now, his own hands working quick to get Richie off. To drag more of those growls from Richie’s throat that made him weak.

He felt the tension building in his gut, his toes curling against the couch cushion as Richie brought him closer to the edge. Richie bit hard just above his collar bone and that was it for him as he spilled into Richie’s waiting hands with a string of his name and curses and on his lips. Richie didn’t stop until he started to come down, chasing his orgasm to the end. Eddie’s hand had momentarily stopped when he came, but as he slowly came back to earth, he began to pump again. Richie buried his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, a strangled “fuck” falling from his lips.

“God, Chee I’ve dreamt of this for so long. Touching you, coming apart in your hands. Tell me you feel good too.” He whispered into his ear, planting a kiss against his temple.

Richie’s jaw was clenched tight, his clean hand squeezing Eddie’s thigh hard enough to hurt. “Eddie…Eds…I fucking love you.” Richie seemed incoherent, lost in the pleasure. A second later he was moaning from deep in his throat as he tensed against Eddie.

The room fell silent, save for their joint heavy breathing as they both came down from the high. Richie held Eddie close to him, afraid he might run if he let him go. But Eddie didn’t want to run. Just the opposite. He never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay in this moment of bliss with Richie until the end of time. He didn’t care that their hands, and probably pants, were a mess. He didn’t want to move. As long as they sat there in that moment, everything was ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you still haven't properly talked about everything but jerk each other off anyway  
> also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


	5. Keep Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

When Eddie woke, he felt warm and comfortable. After he and Richie had cleaned up, they’d both gone up to sleep in Richie’s bed. It wasn’t an odd occurrence. Many sleepovers had been spent sleeping in one another’s beds. This was slightly different though. More intimate. Eddie thought that he should be embarrassed, but he wasn’t. This was Richie. Still, he couldn’t help feeling like it was all a bad idea. Yea, he loved Richie and Richie had confessed his own feelings the night before, but things still weren’t 100% with them. They should have talked more before letting things escalate. If anything, Eddie felt guilty. Even as he lay with his head on Richie’s chest, their arms and legs tangled together beneath the covers, he thought he shouldn’t be enjoying this so much. Not yet.

Gently dislodging himself from Richie’s limbs, Eddie rolled over to grab his phone and check the time. He didn’t work until the afternoon on Tuesdays. Still, he shouldn’t be out too late into the morning as his mother was probably freaking out already. He’d never stayed out without permission. Well, not all night anyway. As a teenager he often snuck out at night when he needed to get away. He’d find himself in Richie’s basement or bedroom. Occasionally he’d go to Bill’s but if Georgie saw him, he was likely to tell their parents. He meant well, he just couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. Stan’s was the other option. 9 times out of 10 though, it was Richie’s.

His parents didn’t care when Eddie would come around. Maggie would make them a snack and they’d chill on the couch and watch TV with Wentworth. Part of him thought that they knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. Everyone knew how Eddie’s mom was. But they never said anything and just left him and Richie to do as they pleased. It became like a second home, a safe haven for him.

When he lit up his phone screen, he saw that he already had twenty missed calls from his mom as well as a long string of texts he’d never read. No wonder, it was already 10:30. She would have gotten up and made breakfast hours ago and then checked Eddie’s room when he didn’t come down. Now he had a little more than an hour to get home, get dressed and then deal with this before heading into work without being late.

“Shit.” He sighed out, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and sitting up.

“What’s up?” Richie’s groggy voice came from behind him, followed by a yawn.

“I’ve gotta go.”

“Hey now, didn’t take you for the one-night stand kind of guy.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I’ve got work at 12 and my mom is throwing a fit because I’m not there.”

“You’re in your twenties. You’re not a child anymore.”

“Try telling her that.”

There was a short silence between them as Richie sat up and fumbled with his glasses, finally retrieving them and slipping them over his eyes. He looked up at Eddie with his sleepy expression and bedhead and Eddie swore his heart skipped a beat.

“So…you’re cool about what happened last night?” Richie asked, feeling anxious.

“Yes. Kind of. I meant what I said I just…we really need to talk. Later though, ok? I really have to go.”

Eddie finally stood and retrieved his pants from the floor. Looking at the front he saw the evidence of their uncoordinated drunken hand jobs and groaned. He couldn’t wear them home. His mom would go ballistic if she saw them and it was just gross walking around with obvious jizz stains on your clothing. He turned back to Richie with a frown.

“Got anything I can borrow?” He asked.

“Yea, also, you might want to cover your neck. Sorry.” Richie stood and headed to his dresser, retrieving a pair of grey sweats.

Eddie took the sweats while grabbing his phone again to look at his neck in the camera. Sure enough, his neck was peppered in hickeys, some going down beneath the collar of his shirt. “Damnit, Richie. Now I’m going to have to wear makeup.”

Richie chuckled and grabbed the stained jeans from where Eddie had dropped them on the floor. “Leave these here. I’ll deal with them.” He said, tossing them in the general direction of his hamper.

“Thanks.”

Eddie slipped the sweats on then his shoes and hoodie, making sure he had everything before he left. The last thing he needed was to forget his keys or wallet here. His mom would only become suspicious about where he was and what he was doing to lose something he was so protective over normally. Richie was watching him as he gathered his things, sitting on the corner of his bed.

“Alright. I’ll see you later?” He asked. Richie nodded and Eddie crossed the room to grab him by the ears and plant a kiss to his lips. “I don’t regret it or anything, ok? I’ll text you when I’m done at work.”

Richie smiled and nodded as they kissed one last time before Eddie rushed out the door and down the stairs. Richie looked out his bedroom window in time to see Eddie jogging down the front path and onto the sidewalk, pulling his hoodie up around his neck. It reminded him of their teenage years when Eddie would jog in the morning and he’d set his alarm to watch him go by. He was so in love with him already by that point. Nothing else could have woken him up that early on a weekend, except seeing Eddie, red faced and baring short shorts as he passed by. It almost made Richie want to get up and join him. Almost.

He flopped back down onto his pillows with a melodramatic sigh. He felt like a lovesick teenager. He’d heard once that when you reconnect with old friends you regress to the person you were before. So, in some way, maybe he was a lovesick teenager. He’d spent many days pining for the short spitfire that had a retort to almost everything he said. Bickering with Eddie was like receiving a present. That rush of adrenaline and excitement and the joy it brought on. Eddie could be calling him every name in the book and Richie would just smile at him, so completely in love it was disgusting.

If he could go back and tell his sixteen-year-old self about what had happened the night before, he didn’t think he’d believe it. They’d had one night at a party when Richie thought their relationship might escalate, but the next day Eddie pretended like nothing had happened at all and it had crushed him. He figured that was Eddie’s way of rejecting him, now he just didn’t know. It was something he’d have to ask him about later when he got the chance.

Richie closed his eyes and remembered the day he left Derry behind. When Eddie said he couldn’t go with him, his heart broke. He wanted to tell him that he loved him then and that he wanted to be with him in New York, to start a life together. But he had been afraid of what his response would be after the apparent rejection a year before. That’s what was happening again in that moment, he’d been rejecting him. Instead, Richie had just gotten into his car and driven away, tears blurring his vision.

Life after that had felt meaningless for a while. It had taken some time for him to pick himself up again and begin moving toward his goals. He thought that maybe he could make something of himself and then Eddie would see what he’d been missing. All of that time he’d wanted to reach out to him, but he decided that Eddie would have to come to him first. He was the one who had rejected Richie, so it was his job to make things right. When he never did, Richie tried to forget him. Not an easy task when you’re both still friends with all the same people from childhood. The day of Bev’s fashion show, when he didn’t show, Richie thought he’d lost all chance of reconnecting with him.

To find out now that he’d been trying to contact him, that he’d wanted to be with him at least as friends, was so amazing but so hard to take at the same time. Richie would forever kick himself for not trying harder, for not trying at all, and letting such a big distance come between them. He’d spend the rest of his time in Derry making sure Eddie knew just how much he loved him and how much he wanted to be with him. He had too much lost time to make up for.

*

“Edward Kaspbrak, where have you been?”

Eddie knew he was going to get an earful as soon as he walked through the door. He wished he could have gotten up and into the shower first. He had this irrational fear that she’d be able to smell Richie on him and would pick up on where he’d been. As it was, he’d jogged all the way home, so he hoped he just smelled like sweat. He’d spent that time trying to think of an excuse without giving her the truth. Lying was easier he told himself again. He just hoped she wouldn’t notice the how high his hoodie was zipped, effectively hiding his neck from view. Or that he wasn’t wearing the same pants he’d left in the night before.

“Book club ran late, and I fell asleep on the host’s couch. They didn’t want to wake me.” The lie came so easily, he was sure she wouldn’t see through it.

“I was worried sick! Next time you tell them to call me if you fall asleep and I’ll come get you!”

“That’s not necessary. Spending one night at a friend’s house isn’t going to kill me.”

He didn’t wait for her response as he headed up the stairs for a shower. He could hear her yelling something after him, but the words just bounced off of him. He didn’t have the energy to waste worrying about what she thought. He needed to shower quickly, cover his neck and head out for work. He’d have to eat something there. Before getting in the shower, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Gerard, praying he’d take pity on him and pick up lunch on his way in. He started an hour later than Eddie, so he had the time. If he was awake.

Normally, a shower would give Eddie time to be in his head and think. If he’d had the time to focus on anything more than scrubbing the sweat from his body, he might have thought more about the night before. It still hadn’t quite hit him that Richie had feelings for him, that they’d gotten each other off, how he’d so casually kissed him goodbye like it was nothing.

Eddie didn’t have a ton of experience, but he had some. He wasn’t the only closeted gay guy in town, and others just seemed to have a way of finding him. He’d touched more dick than he wanted to admit. After a few visits to the gay bar he frequented, he was just drunk enough to have sex with a guy who kind of looked like Richie in the backseat of the guy’s car. It had sucked and he’d decided that quickies with strangers just wasn’t for him.

Still, every experience he did have was fleeting and meaningless. They’d part ways seconds later and never speak again. This was different. Richie _liked_ him. Richie was someone he’d known since childhood. He was his friend. His childhood crush. _And he liked him!_ He hadn’t just jerked off some stranger the night before, he’d jerked off Richie fucking Tozier. He’d made out with him and slept in his bed and kissed him goodbye and made plans to see him again the very next day! It was enough to make his head spin as he stood, towel around his waist, staring in the foggy smear in the bathroom mirror at the hickey’s left behind by Richie’s mouth. Having to cover them would be annoying but the sight of them sent a flutter through his stomach.

He checked the hallway before he left the bathroom, making sure that his mom wasn’t lurking waiting to ambush him. It wouldn’t be the first time. The last thing he needed was for her to see those hickeys. He couldn’t think of an excuse for why they’d be there. He’d heard girls use the curling iron burn excuse before, but he had short hair that naturally curled anyway. And who would believe he’d burned himself that many times? He dashed to his bedroom on tippy toes, hoping she wouldn’t hear him running. Once safely in his room, he set about getting dressed and making his hair look at least somewhat presentable.

There was still the issue of the hickey’s being visible. Even if he managed to get out of the house without his mother seeing, he couldn’t spend the rest of the day at work with them on display. It would surely get back to her anyway and then what would the point of hiding be? Luckily, he remembered a bonding moment with Bev when they were seventeen. They’d gone to a party at the quarry. It was crowded with their peers drinking, smoking (both tobacco and weed), making out against trees and dancing to loud music. It wasn’t something Eddie would have thought he’d enjoy, but he was there with all of the Losers. They made it fun. Eddie drank too much and the events of the night became foggy. It was when he woke up, hungover and confused, Bev in his bed, that he found the big hickey on the side of his neck.

He’d woken Bev, quietly because his mom would have killed them both if she found Bev in his bed and asked her what happened. She didn’t know either but assured him that she remembered everything, and it did not come from her. They’d stumbled back to his house and snuck up to his room where they both immediately passed out. It was then that Eddie panicked about who he made out with and told Bev that he was gay. After a heart to heart and tears from both, Beverly showed Eddie how to cover the hickey with makeup.

Digging through an old box in the back of his closet, he found the tiny container of concealer she’d given him. It was about seven years old and Eddie knew that makeup expired, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Setting up his phone so he could see himself in the camera, he set to work using his fingers to smear the makeup around his neck. He could practically hear her voice in his head, telling him how to apply it and blend it in. It was less effective than he remembered, maybe due to the age of the product, but was good enough. He didn’t have any more time to fuss over it.

As he headed back out the door, his mom called after him, but he ignored it and let the door slam behind him. He was really running late now and would have to jog most of the way, hoping that his sweat wouldn’t wash the makeup away. He’d tucked the concealer into his pocket before he’d left, just in case, but the idea of anyone seeing them was embarrassing. Questions would be sure to follow, and Eddie didn’t want to tell more lies. He was already sinking himself into a hole with his Richie related lies and if they were going to be dating, they were sure to unravel sometime soon. He just wasn’t ready to tell anyone the truth. Not yet. Not until he talked with Richie and made sure they were on the same page.

When he arrived at work, his coworker Gwen was behind the counter. She looked bored as the store was mostly empty. Her eyes drifted up from her phone to Eddie when the bell above the door chimed.

“Oh, thank god. I didn’t think you were going to show.” She said with a small smile.

“Sorry. I overslept.” He said, heading toward the break room “Let me grab my apron and I’ll take over.”

Placing his things in his locker and putting his apron on, pausing to check the hickey coverage in his camera, he headed back out to the floor. Gwen was still scheduled to work until Gerard showed up, but sometimes she ducked out early. Eddie didn’t work with her much and thus they didn’t know each other very well, but she was always friendly toward him. She was four years younger than Eddie, hated her job and had three younger siblings who she was helping to support. This was only one of two jobs she worked. Beyond that, Eddie didn’t know much about her.

Sure enough, as soon as Eddie was tucked away behind the counter, she scurried back to the breakroom and came out minutes later in her other work uniform. She said her goodbyes as she left, leaving Eddie alone in the store. He felt restless. Leaving the counter, he looked for anything that needed to be done. Usually he left all cleaning, stocking and organizing to Gerard as Eddie was better with the customers, but he needed a distraction. If he was left alone with his thoughts for too long, he’d start thinking about sitting on Richie’s lap, hands and lips everywhere.

Part of him wanted to call him over and take him into the breakroom and do unspeakable things to him. But he couldn’t, for many reasons. Most importantly, he didn’t think they should do anything more until they honestly talked about what was going on. Yea, they both liked each other. They’d both liked each other for a long time. Richie had said he loved him in the heat of the moment even, but that wasn’t enough. There was still a six-year gap they had to fill in, get to know the people they’d grown into before committing based on memories. What would happen when Richie went back to New York? Back to his day to day life with shows and tours and his Netflix special.

The thought of Richie leaving again filled Eddie with so much anxiety, he was reaching for his inhaler without even realizing. He felt eighteen again, getting ready to watch his best friend and the love of his life leave him behind. History seemed doomed to repeat itself, just with higher stakes this time.

When Gerard finally arrived, Eddie had worked himself up and was scrubbing the counter vigorously with a rage. He didn’t notice he was there until he was setting a bag down on the countertop in front of him. Eddie looked up at him and found him looking confused and maybe just a little amused.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, grinning.

“Cleaning. This counter is disgusting, and people put their food on here.” Eddie said, setting the rag and cleaning solution aside.

“Right. Well, I come baring sustenance. I took pity because your text sounded desperate.”

“Bless you. I overslept and didn’t have time to eat anything this morning.”

Gerard paused from pulling food from the bag and raised an eyebrow at him. “You overslept? Did we enter some parallel dimension last night?”

“Very funny. I drank too much and didn’t get to bed until sometime this morning.”

“Oh, right. You went drinking with Richie. How was it? Did you get so drunk you sucked his cock?”

“Jesus, Gerard! I swear you have no fucking filter. And no, I didn’t give him a blow job.”

“Boring. Did you at least kiss him?”

“No.”

“Then what _did_ you do?” Gerard made his way around the counter and grabbed the second stool, pulling it over to Eddie’s side. Technically they weren’t supposed to eat at the counter, but it was slow, and the owner never came in.

“We talked about his shows and friends and stuff.”

“That’s it?”

“He invited me to come to one of his shows. Said I could have a front row seat.”

“Ok so I hate you then. I want to go!”

“Since you were kind today and brought me lunch, even though you made vulgar assumptions, I will talk to Richie about getting you tickets.”

“Are you for real? I take it back. I actually love you. Number one fake older brother on the planet.”

“Damn straight.” Eddie bit into his burger, cursing as a glob of ketchup fell from it and landed on his apron. He reached for a napkin and grabbed the fabric, pulling it taught as he tried to clean up the stain.

Gerard watched him, trying to come up with a way to make fun of him, when he realized he’d managed to pull down the collar of his shirt a bit. His eyes widened as he was sure he knew what he was looking at and he tried not to choke on his mouthful of food. Just below the collar of his shirt was a hickey. Eddie didn’t realize that his shirt had rubbed the makeup away, leaving it very visible when he pulled down on the fabric.

“Oh my god.” Gerard said when his mouth was empty.

“What? It’s just ketchup. I’ll run some water over it in a second. It probably won’t stain.”

“Fuck the ketchup, you have a hickey!”

“What?” Eddie looked up at Gerard to see the amused smile on his face. “I…I do not!”

“Yes, you do! I can see it! Holy shit, dude. When did that happen? Wait…oh no…oh my god.” He laughed, pointing an accusatory finger toward Eddie. “You did kiss Richie! What else did you do? He left a fucking hickey on you! Oh my god I’m so jealous.”

“It’s not…he didn’t…I didn’t…you’re wrong!” Eddie’s face had turned a bright shade of red as he stood from his stool.

“Dude, it’s cool. I won’t tell anyone. I can’t believe you lied to me though! You have to tell me everything now.”

“There’s nothing to tell. There’s no hickey.”

“Eddie. Come on.”

Eddie sighed and sat back down. “We were drunk, and it was stupid, and we still have a lot to talk about so don’t tell him that you know.”

Gerard was smiling though is mouth was hanging open in surprise at the same time. “I cannot believe this. You’ve become so interesting lately! So, how far did you go?” He leaned forward, ready to hear everything he had to say.

“We just made out a bit and then fell asleep. That’s all.”

“Not as tawdry as I was hoping for, but still. Hot damn, Kaspbrak. You’re my hero.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but felt a little bit lighter having told him. Even if he didn’t tell him the whole truth. He felt like he could trust Gerard, but he was still a kid and there was a limit to how much he should share with him. He didn’t know of all the flings he’d had with strangers and he didn’t need to know that he’d had to leave his jizz stained jeans at Richie’s that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this. Sorry for being gone for a few weeks. Mental health stuff. Trying to get back on this. Shorter chapter than usual. They'll talk eventually I swear  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


	6. Let's Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk

When Eddie was done with work for the day, he sent a text to his mom saying he’d be studying at the library for a while. In reality, he was on his way back to Richie’s. He’d promised that they would talk that evening and he was determined to lay everything out before they were distracted again. He’d already warned Richie that they were to keep their hands to themselves until they figured everything out between them. Six years of hurt didn’t disappear with one hand job.

As he walked, the anxious feeling only grew stronger. He didn’t really know what to say. He knew what he was feeling, he just wasn’t sure how to put it into words. Richie had said that leaving him was the hardest thing he’d had to do, so why did he? If he was feeling the same way Eddie was all those years, why did he never say anything? Sure, Eddie didn’t say anything either, but Richie wasn’t exactly known for keeping his mouth shut and keeping secrets. If he’d told him how he felt that day, told him that he loved him, Eddie thought he would have gone with him. He would have climbed into his truck without anything but the clothes on his back and left everything behind to be with him.

His heart was racing by the time he made it to the front door. He didn’t even have time to knock before Richie was pulling the door open, a smile on his face. Suddenly, Eddie’s heart was racing for a completely different reason and it took every ounce of willpower not to lunge forward and kiss him. The knowledge that he could, and he’d be kissed right back was enough to make him dizzy. If things went wrong with their talk, he may never get the chance to kiss him again. He couldn’t think that way though. He had to stay optimistic that everything would work out and they’d come out stronger in the end.

“Damn Eds. I missed your face.” Richie said, pulling him inside.

“We spent all of last night together and it’s only been like six hours since I left.” Eddie was rolling his eyes but smiling all the same because _fuck_ he was cute.

“That may be, but we’ve got a lot of time to make up for in a short amount of time so every second away from you counts as a full day.”

The knowledge that Richie would be leaving again sooner rather than later was like a stab in the gut. “When do you go back?”

Richie’s smile faltered. “Let’s…talk in the living room.”

Eddie followed him into the same living room they used to spend weekends together in. It felt the same but so unbelievably different at the same time. Sitting on the couch always meant it was time to watch movies and eat popcorn while sharing a blanket with Richie. Now it was the stage for the most serious conversation they’d ever had in the course of their friendship.

“My dad is coming home tomorrow.” Richie said as he sat, his elbows on his knees and his hands squeezing together. “I’m going to stay until I know he’s ok and that my mom won’t need my help anymore. Based on what she’s told me, I don’t expect it to be more than a week. Maybe less.”

“Oh.”

“Yea.”

“I guess you have to get back to filming your special.”

“I’ve already secured front row seats for every single show so you can pick which one you want to come to.”

Eddie nodded but didn’t try to speak again. He swallowed against the growing lump in his throat. Of course, he knew he was leaving but hearing him say it hurt and he couldn’t quite catch his breath. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands in an attempt to keep the tears at bay so he could speak.

“What about last night? I need to know…what it meant.” Eddie said, managing to keep his voice even and steady.

“It meant that twelve years of repressed feelings finally came to fruition. I told you. It’s always been you. I’ve loved you for so long I can’t even remember what it was like not to love you. I spent the last six years trying to get over you and failed spectacularly.”

Hearing Richie be so honest without even the hint of a joke hit Eddie hard. A tear slipped free and slid down his cheek, but he swiped it away and quickly as he could. “I love you too. I have for probably the same amount of time.”

“Then why did you ignore what happened?”

Eddie looked up at him, confusion written all over his face. “Ignored what?”

“The first time this happened.”

“I…last night was the first time.”

“No. It wasn’t. Do you really not remember?”

Eddie searched his memories for any moment in the past that he’d done anything more intimate than a hug, a kiss on the cheek or a sharing a hammock with Richie. He was coming up blank and couldn’t believe he’d forgotten something like that. With Richie no less. He had to be remembering wrong or was simply remembering a dream.

“I don’t remember anything, Richie. Are you sure something happened?”

“We were seventeen at that quarry party. I showed you the carving on the kissing bridge and you kissed me. We made out and would have probably gone farther if Bev hadn’t interrupted us. You left with her and the next day you pretended like nothing happened. I was heartbroken, Eds.” The look on Richie’s face was one of hurt he’d never let go of. “I never understood why you initiated it if you didn’t want it to happen.”

“I don’t…I don’t remember that. I mean, I remember the party and I remember waking up the next morning with hickies but I didn’t know who they came from. If I had known it was you, I would not have pretended it didn’t happen.” Eddie felt breathless and reached from the inhaler in his pocket. “I swear, Richie. I didn’t know. If I had then I would have…” The words went unspoken, but both knew what he was going to say. He would have left with him that day.

Richie sat back against the cushions with a scoff. “I can’t believe we’re this fucking stupid. Twice we let miscommunication keep us apart. What the kind of sick fucking joke is the universe trying to pull on us.” Richie brought his hands up to cover his eyes, pushing his glasses up into his hairline.

“At least we realized it now and not when we’re forty, right? We’re still young. We still have a lot of time to be together and make up for what we missed.”

When Richie moved his hands again, his glasses dropping back down onto his nose crooked, the corners of his eyes were wet. “You think we can make up for all that time in a week?”

“I don’t know. Could be more than a week.” Richie looked hopeful and Eddie spoke again quickly before he could say anything. “I don’t know what I want to do when your time here ends but I…I want to think about it. We take this week and we see what happens. Is that ok?”

“It’s more than ok because I know you won’t be able to resist me after a week of all this.” Richie was smiling again as he righted his glasses and gestured to his entire being.

“Ok, maybe I take back what I just said.” Eddie laughed.

“Nope. Too late. You’re all mine, Kaspbrak.” Richie lunged forward and pressed his lips to Eddie’s, holding his face between warm hands.

They ordered pizza for dinner, cuddling up on the couch under a blanket like they used to. Eddie had never been happier in his entire life and part of him believed he wouldn’t let that slip away. Still, a lot could happen in a week and he was prepared to let it whisk him away. Whatever the outcome, he wouldn’t forget this moment, tucked under Richie’s arm warm, happy and in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday and I can break my own heart writing about gay boys if I want to~  
> That's how the song goes, right? Sorry this is short but it actually is my birthday and I wanted to post something since it's Wednesday but didn't want to spend my day writing and editing! 28 is starting off with Reddie so A+ age so far  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak  
> Did I mention I drew some sketches of what Gerard looks like and posted them on tumblr?? I don't feel like tracking them down to link to it though sorry


	7. Lies, Lies, Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie comes clean to Gerard and Richie.

Wednesday Richie had a video conference with his manager and some producer. He also needed to help bring his dad home and get situated. He’d told Eddie the night before that he may not be available to see him at all that day. Eddie had to work all day anyway, but he was still sad about having to miss even one day with him. Neither knew what would happen in a week when Richie was gone again.

With the store empty, Eddie had time to really think things over as he sat on top of his stool and leaned heavily against the countertop. He knew that he wanted to be with Richie. He’d known it for a long time. Now that he knew Richie wanted him back and they were together, could he really just let it all slip away again? Part of him thought he’d start packing that evening and look for jobs and apartments online in New York. He had a decent enough savings that he could swing the first and last months rent on a very tiny studio apartment. There was the option of staying with Richie or Ben and Bev while he looked for a place he could manage. He would work all day and then go to Richie’s shows in the evening. They get dinner and drinks with Beverly and Ben and have date night at least once a week.

The fantasy was just starting to convince him he could make it all a reality when his mother’s voice filled his head. _“You can’t leave me Eddie! What if I get sick again? Who will take care of me if you’re not here? New York is so dangerous! You could be mugged or bitten by a rat on the subway and die in a hospital bed wishing you’d listened to me.”_

Then there was her reaction to his sexuality to worry about. If he told her he was leaving to be with his boyfriend she would go into shock. If she found out that his boyfriend was Richie Tozier, she was likely to go into cardiac arrest. She still didn’t know that he had any contact with him since being back in town. He’d told her that he’d been at the library and was too tired to eat when he returned as he’d already eaten with Richie. The lies were piling up, but he didn’t feel like he had a choice.

It seemed the easiest thing to do would be to disappear in the middle of the night with a note left on the table. He knew he couldn’t do that to her though. It might actually kill her and that’s not what he wanted. He just wanted to be in New York with Richie, making up for the mistake he’d made six years ago.

Eddie was distracted with his inner turmoil and didn’t notice when Gerard arrived. He didn’t hear the bell above the door jingle and he definitely didn’t hear Gerard sneaking up behind him. When he felt something press into his back, he startled and whirled around on the stool when he heard Gerard, in a deep voice, say, “Empty the register.”

Eddie slapped his hand away while Gerard laughed at his own joke. He hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten while he was staring into space thinking about all of his life choices.

“Couldn’t resist trying to scare you since you were so out of it.” Gerard giggled. “What’s going on with you?”

“I’m trying to make an important life decision that could completely alter my future.”

Gerard set his bag on the floor and dropped onto his own stool. “Damn, you pregnant or something?”

“Yes Gerard. I’m pregnant and it’s yours.”

“Hell yea that would be one cute kid.”

“I cannot talk to you.” Eddie turned his back on Gerard, only to have him pull his stool up next to him so he couldn’t avoid him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to cheer you up. What’s going on?”

Eddie sighed and wondered if he could tell Gerard everything. He’d never betrayed his trust before, so why shouldn’t he? He didn’t have a lot of people to confide in and he knew what all of their friends would say if he went to them. They’d all tried to encourage him to leave multiple times. He needed someone else’s opinion.

“To explain I have to give a bit of backstory.” Gerard nodded and stayed silent, so Eddie continued. “When we were seventeen, I made out with Richie on the kissing bridge except I was drunk and forgot all about it. Since I acted like it never happened, Richie thought I was rejecting him.”

“Shit.”

“Then when he was leaving Derry to move to New York, he asked me to come with him. I didn’t go because I didn’t think my mom could survive without me. I was also worried that I’d have to watch him fall in love and end up alone there because I didn’t know how he felt.”

“Do you know how he feels now?”

“Yea. He loves me and has since we were kids. I’ve been in love with him just as long and I feel so stupid for letting so much time slip away from us.”

“Fuck. I knew you loved him as like a fan, but I didn’t know you were _in love_ with him. Sorry I keep having sex dreams about your man.”

“He’s leaving in a week. Maybe sooner. He has to go back to New York and get back to work. He wants me to go with him and I’m eighteen again standing on the side of the road, watching him drive away. Only this time I can fix it and get in the car with him, but the same dilemma remains.”

“Your mom?”

“Exactly.”

“And she still doesn’t know you’re gay?”

“No. She doesn’t even know I’m in touch with Richie. She’s always hated him, so I lied about reconnecting with him. I keep lying to stop that lie from being uncovered and now if I make the choice to go, I have to admit to it all. Which will just make everything worse and more complicated.”

Both fell silent as Gerard took it all in and thought it over. He didn’t know what to tell him. He was sixteen and didn’t have any real-world experience yet. He thought that if it were him, he would have gone the first time. But he also could see why Eddie made the choice he did. There was just one problem…

“You made the choice not to go with Richie because you were eighteen and scared. You’re not eighteen anymore Eddie. You know what life is like if you say no and stay in Derry. Do you want to continue driving an hour outside of town just to go to a bar that will accept you? Do you want to have drunk one-night stands with random guys instead of waking up next to the man you love? Do you want to spend the rest of your life working in this shitty little convenience store, complaining to your next teenage coworker about how you’re 35 and still living with your manipulative mother who doesn’t even know the truth about you?”

“Ok, ok. I get it. I know you’re right. Of course, I want to go with him. I just, I need to think about it seriously. About what it would mean to go and what it would mean to stay.”

“If you stay, I’m never speaking to you again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t. But I will forever think of you as the stupidest man I ever met in my life.”

Eddie still had a lot to think about but hearing Gerard voice the words that had been rattling around in his head all day was sobering. He knew that the first step was sitting down and telling his mom everything. Just…not yet. He had to think about what he was going to say and what he’d do if she reacted the way he expected. Having Richie on standby was probably the best bet in case she tried to lock him away in his bedroom. He could rescue him like the princes in the tower and would enjoy every second of it. He spent much of their teen years climbing in through Eddie’s bedroom window anyway, so he knew how to go about it.

Gerard and Eddie had to finish their conversation when a customer walked in. He didn’t want to broadcast to anyone else in the town that he was gay and thinking about leaving Derry. He just knew that it would get back to his mother somehow and that’s not how he intended for her to find out. The rest of his shift went fairly smoothly after that. It picked up a bit the closer it got to 5pm with people running out to get last minute ingredients for dinner. He and Gerard closed up and went their separate ways around 6:30.

Eddie spent his walk home imagining what it would be like to tell his mom as soon as he got home that he was leaving Derry to move to New York with his boyfriend Richie. He could practically see her head combusting. He needed a way to break it to her softly, but he didn’t know the right way. Maybe if he presented her with a plane ticket to New York first it would go a little easier. Like she’d ever get on a plane.

“I’m home.” He called as he walked in the front door.

His mother came from the kitchen, looking annoyed already. “Good. I’m making dinner and I expect you’ll be here to eat it tonight. You’ve left me alone for the past two nights.”

“Er…yea. Sorry. I’ll be here. I’m gonna go clean up first.” Eddie said, kicking off his shoes and dashing up the stairs.

He swapped out the white polo he’d worn to work for a more comfortable t-shirt and jeans for some sweats. His mother wouldn’t approve but he didn’t care. He was in the bathroom washing his hands when his phone began to ring in his bedroom. Quickly drying his hands, he rushed back down the hall to grab it before they hung up. His heart skipped a beat when he read the caller ID. Richie.

“Hello?” Eddie answered the phone, dropping onto his back on his bed.

“Good evening Spaghetti. Are you home yet?”

“Yea I got home a few minutes ago. Is your dad situated at home?”

“He’s resting comfortably in his lounger. Hey, have you eaten yet?”

“No. My mom is cooking. Why?”

“I was just thinking that I miss you and wanted to see if you’d like to go out.”

“Absolutely. Yes. 100%.” Eddie said with a wide grin. “Too eager?”

“Just eager enough. And the answer I was hoping for. I’m on your porch.”

Eddie sat up quickly and looked toward the hallway. “You haven’t knocked or rang the doorbell, have you?”

“No not yet.”

“Don’t. Please. My mom can’t know you’re here. Just…go back to your car and drive to the end of the block. I’ll meet you there in a second.”

Richie was silent for a second. “I’m starting to think you’re ashamed of me Eds.” He laughed but it was more nervous than humorous.

“I’m not. I swear. I just…I’ll explain in the car, ok?”

“Yea. Ok.”

Eddie hung up and rushed to put his jeans back on. At the bottom of the stairs, he sat to slip his shoes back on. Hearing him running down the stairs, his mom came into the hallway in time to see him standing and heading to the door.

“Eddie!” She called out to him. “Where are you going? You said you’d have dinner with me.”

“I’m sorry, ma. There’s an emergency.”

“What kind of emergency?”

“It’s, uh…Gerard. He needs my help with…his grandmother. She’s staying with them and can’t get out of the tub. I’m going to help lift her out. I shouldn’t be too long. Maybe an hour. Or two.”

“Two hours to lift an old woman out of the tub?”

“Well, yea. I have to make sure she’s ok and he might need other help just getting her situated. I’ll text you.”

“But, Eddie!”

He left then, closing the door behind him so she couldn’t see which way he was running in the dark. He heard the door open behind him, but Richie had parked far enough down that she wouldn’t be able to see him getting into the car. Richie eyed him as he slid into the passenger’s seat of his parent’s car and looked out the rear window toward his house.

“Running from the police?” Richie asked.

“Or something.”

Richie pulled away from the curb as Eddie buckled his seat belt. “I figured we’d go somewhere outside of Derry if that’s alright. It’s a longer drive but plenty of time for you to explain why you had to sneak away.”

“Outside of Derry is probably a good idea. My mom doesn’t exactly know that I’m going out with you.”

“Yea I figured since I had to park a block away. You couldn’t have just told her we were hanging out as friends?”

“Well…she doesn’t exactly know that I’m in contact with you…at all.”

“Oh.”

“She’s not your biggest fan you know…”

“Yea it’s been rough since the breakup.”

“Choosing to ignore you. And when she initially asked me, I didn’t think I was going to be seeing you. It was before we talked about things the first time. I haven’t told her yet because things are complicated, and she’ll ask me why I’m spending so much time with you. I just feel like it will end up coming out that I’m gay and I’m not ready for her to know that. I don’t know how she’ll respond or what she’ll do to me.”

“It’s fine Eds. I understand.” Richie reached across the center console to grab Eddie’s hand in the dark space between them. “I know she’s bad when it comes to you but what do you think she’d do if you told her?”

“Lock me in my room until I agreed to marry a woman. Hire a hitman to kill you. Break my legs and tie me to the bed like in Misery. Who knows? Maybe all of the above.”

“So, what your saying is, I should just keep driving and hide you away in my apartment?”

Eddie smiled and turned his head to look at Richie. “I’m pretty sure she has a tracker on me somewhere. She was always so afraid I’d be kidnapped I wouldn’t put it past her. They put those things in dogs and cats, they can probably put them in humans too, right?”

“Worth a shot. If she shows up at my place, we’ll just say you went on an impromptu vacation.”

“Cause that will go over well.”

Richie fell silent as he squeezed Eddie’s fingers. “I just don’t want to let you go again.”

“I know. I don’t either. I’ve already decided to tell her everything. I just need to figure out how to do it, so she won’t freak out.”

“Maybe call a swat team to hide behind for when she hulks out.”

“Not the worst plan you’ve had.” Eddie sighed. “I want to tell her. I really do. I’m sick of hiding who I am, and I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you. Because I’m not.”

“I would never think that. You’re lucky to have scored a hot piece of ass like me.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You mean you’re the lucky one because I actually like your unfunny ass.” He laughed.

“I’m about to get sappy as fuck because you’re damn right I’m the lucky one. I could barely sleep last night knowing I probably wouldn’t see you today. I got yelled at a handful of times during my video conference because I kept getting distracted just thinking about you. I was at your door before I could even think about it. Fuck, Eds, I love you more than I ever thought possible.”

Eddie chewed his bottom lip, trying to keep emotion from welling up but it was a losing battle. Some part of him knew that his mother loved him deep down under all the instability. He knew that his friends loved him in a familial way. But he’d never felt loved like this. Loved so completely for who he is. Loved by someone that he loved more than anyone else. In an instant, he hated his mother. Hated her for keeping his leash around his neck for years. Making him too afraid of being honest with her and too afraid to leave her. Drilling these compulsions into him with years of fake medication and fears of the outside world. If she’d had it her way, he would never have left their house for even a second his entire life.

“I want to go with you Richie. To New York. And I’m going to tell her everything. That I’m gay, that I’ve been dating you and that I’m leaving to be with you. I promise. As soon as I figure out how, I’ll tell her. Just give me time. Ok?”

Eddie felt a tear slip down his face but luckily Richie couldn’t see it as he kept his eyes on the road. His grip on Eddie’s hand tightened as he brought it to his lips and pressed a firm kiss to the back of it. “Tell me what you need me to do to help. Promise me you won’t let her guilt you into anything.”

“I promise.” Eddie turned his gaze to the road speeding by through the windshield. “I won’t let her manipulation keep us apart ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no update last week. My dog was hurt and I didn't know why/how so I was too distracted to write. She's fine now. Wasn't sure I was going to make today's update but I managed to finish this chapter last night. Tried to edit today but I'm in MI at my sister's and there are many distractions here. I can't make an promises about next week especially as I'm trying to finish writing the rest of When I'm With You. I post updates about delays on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak if you want to stay informed.  
> To make up for my absence last week I'd like to suggest that you listen to "I'd Do Anything" by Simple Plan as I've dubbed it the official anthem of this fic! It has also been an inspiration for writing this and I listen to it before I start each chapter.


	8. From Good, to Bad, to Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's mom sees Richie leaving them to sneak around.
> 
> NSFW content to follow

Eddie had to work most of the day on Thursday though he was granted the ability to sleep in a bit. He’d stayed out later with Richie than he’d intended, not wanting to leave his side. They went to a nicer restaurant where Eddie felt underdressed, but Richie wasn’t dressed very differently. He had on a leather jacket that put ideas into Eddie’s head that sent color to his cheeks and made him squirm in his seat. He always knew that Richie could send him spiraling until he was practically drooling, but he forgot just how easily it came. Especially now that he was his and he knew how he tasted, how he felt beneath his fingertips.

They were flirty over dinner, fed each other bites of food over the table and didn’t care who saw them. It was refreshing not having to be careful. Not worrying about who saw them doing what. They could hold hands and kiss without even thinking twice. It still made Eddie nervous, but he couldn’t help that. A lifetime of small-town hicks telling him that men who like other men are disgusting and shameful. Fearing his true self being discovered and being punished for it. If things were different, maybe he would have told Richie sooner and they wouldn’t have wasted all this time.

“This is what it could be like in New York.” Richie said, after feeding Eddie’s bite of his chocolate cake. “Not to pressure you, just want to give you an idea of what to expect.”

“You’re not pressuring me. Like I said, I’ve already made my decision...I just need to figure out how to set it in motion.”

“I know you’re scared, Eds, but I’m here for you this time.”

“I know.” They reached across the table and held tight onto each other’s hands. “Before I do anything, I’ll talk to you about it. Part of really does want to just disappear into the night and never look back.”

After dinner, Richie parked the car in a clearing off the side of the road and they made out like teenagers, Eddie in Richie’s lap in the backseat. Eddie had been too scared of getting caught to do much, but Richie’s hands had found their way under his shirt, hot against this skin touching everywhere they could reach. The memory sent a shiver down Eddie’s spine as he tried to focus on ringing up a block of cheese. Thinking of spices didn’t work as well as it had before, and he hadn’t yet come up with a new strategy.

Gerard wondered in for his shift looking exhausted and not wanting to be there and made his way back to the break room to drop off his stuff and retrieve his apron. Throughout his shift, Eddie found himself checking the clock. He wanted the day to be over. His mom had been waiting up for him when he returned the night before and demanded that he explain himself. Not wanting to tell her just yet, he lied again, saying that Gerard’s grandmother had insisted he eat before he leave.

Eddie had to promise to be home all night in order for her to leave him alone. He’d already told Richie, who was bummed but understood. He said he might swing by the store if he could get away. Richie needed to spend some time with his dad as well since he’d been in the hospital for most of his visit. He had pressure on him to hurry back to New York, but he wanted to be sure that his dad was ok, and his mom could handle everything. Eddie knew that he would be going with him soon, but not being able to see him was painful. They’d spent so much time apart, so much time not knowing how the other felt, that he wanted to be with Richie as often as he could.

Gerard came out to rejoin Eddie, who was close to the end of his shift. He was less than thrilled as he took his place behind the counter, opening the other register to help dwindle the line faster. He didn’t speak aside from giving them their totals and answering questions, and when he did speak his voice was listless. There was obviously something wrong and Eddie worked just a bit faster so he could find out what it was. When all the customers were taken care of, Eddie turned to him in time to see him lay his head down on the counter.

“You ok?” Eddie asked, moving to stand beside him.

“Define ok.” Gerard sighed, turning his head to look at Eddie. “It’s been a long day. There’s this guy at school who I’m into and I’ve been talking to him online. He knew I was a guy, knew who I was, and he flirted with me anyway and we’ve hooked up a few times now, so I thought things were cool. Today I said hi to him in the hallway and he called me a fag and punched me in the gut.”

“Shit. What an asshole.” Eddie wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his arm. “Screw that guy. If that’s how he treats you then he’s not worth your time.”

“But he’s so sweet to me when we’re in private.” Gerard whined, putting his head down on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Derry is a terrible place where people like us can’t be honest about who we are. I’m sure he’s scared of being found out but that doesn’t make it ok. He could have handled it differently. You deserve better.”

“I know but he’s so hooooooot. And he’s so ripped and god his cock is-.”

“Gerard, please, we’re at work.”

“Fine, fine. Let’s just say…” Gerard held up his arm and ran his other hand from his wrist to his elbow.

“Jesus.” Eddie laughed, dragging a hand down his face.

“Now you know why I’m so distraught.”

“Yes, what a loss.”

Eddie wrapped his other arm around Gerard, as his arms encircled Eddie’s middle, hiding his face against his shoulder. It was while they were hugging this way that Richie made his appearance, entering the store with a big smile on his face. Eddie looked at him and smiled, his heart skipping a beat. No matter how many times he saw his face, he’d forever fall for him all over again. He wondered if everyone felt this way when they were in love.

“What do we have here? Making a move on my man?” Richie asked, approaching the counter.

“He’s having a bad day.” Eddie explained. “Boy troubles.”

“Ah, anyone I can beat up?”

“Flattering, but no.” Gerard sighed. “I love him.”

“You don’t love him; you love his body.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes!”

Richie laughed. “Are you saying you don’t just want me for body, Eds?”

“Well it sure isn’t your sense of humor that keeps me around.”

“You wound me.”

Gerard pulled out of Eddie’s arms. “You guys are not helping my wallowing.”

“Sorry.” Eddie winced. “Anything we can do for you?”

“No, I’m ok. I just need to find a new hot jock with a huge dick.” He sighed, leaving the counter and grabbing the broom.

Richie looked to Eddie and raised his eyebrows. “Can see why he’s upset.”

“Yea well, I think it’s more the betrayal than anything else. The guy called him a name and hit him. He’ll probably come crawling back begging for forgiveness. I just hope Gerard has the strength to tell him no.”

“He’s young so he’s bound to make mistakes.”

“Maybe, but he’s become like a little brother to me. I don’t want to see him hurt.” Eddie looked up at the clock on the wall again. “My shift is ending. Want to walk me most of the way home?”

“Of course.”

Eddie removed his apron and headed back to the break room where he put it on its hook and grabbed his bag. He and Richie used to walk home from school together every day. Sometimes a few of the other Losers were with them, but on occasion it was just them. Eddie laughing at some story Richie would make up just to bring a smile to his face. Those memories had gotten him through the last six years, but they always hurt. Now he could move past that, revel in the way they made him feel. The memories now brought a smile to his face. When he came back out from the breakroom, he found his mother standing there with Richie and his smile fell away.

“Mom...what are you…?”

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to abandon me again today, so I came to pick you up.”

“I’m not going to...I would have…” Eddie sighed, feeling like he’d been kicked in the shin. “You don’t need to pick me up. I’m an adult.”

“Well then you better start acting like one.” She turned her sneer to Richie, looking him up and down. “I thought you weren’t in contact with the Tozier boy.”

“He’s not.” Richie spoke up. “I just came by to do some shopping.”

She looked away from him with a “hmmph” and turned back to Eddie. “Come on, Eddiebear, let’s go.”

Eddie shot Richie apologetic eyes as he walked by, following his mom out the front door. He’d text him later and apologize properly. He was so embarrassed by it. Sure, it wasn’t anything new for Richie to witness but he was grown now. He shouldn’t let his mother push him around like that anymore without standing up for himself. He felt like a child again as he buckled his seat belt, being dragged away from his friends by his mom. He hated it. He hated her.

*

Later that evening, Eddie was in bed staring at the ceiling and trying to calm himself. He’d argued with his mom. They argued often and usually Eddie could just walk away but he felt trapped by a promise to stay in. So instead, he stayed, and he yelled, and she yelled right back until they were both exhausted. It was all so stupid anyway, the way she still clung to him with any bit of control she could grasp. Lying to her just made him feel like she was winning in some way. The argument started over their meal because she’d been mad that Richie was at the store and accused him of trying to get out of dinner with her again.

“He was a customer! I have to serve any customer who comes into the store!” He shouted over the dinner table.

“Then why was he just standing there?” She asked.

“Because I was getting ready to leave and he was waiting for Gerard!”

“Don’t lie to me Edward.”

“I’m not!” He was.

“When you were young you always lied to me about spending time with that boy! I know you were with him all those times you said you were at the library!”

“He was my friend!”

“And then he left with all those other hoodlums! Left you behind! It’s high time you realize that all you have in this world is me.”

Eddie balled his hands into fists and pressed them against his eyes, fuming at her words still bouncing around his head. She wasn’t all he had. He had Gerard. He had Bev, Bill, Mike, Ben, and Stan. He had Richie. They didn’t leave him; he made the choice to stay. Because of her. He dropped his hands to his side, wondering if she’d wake up if he tried to leave the house. He needed to be far away from her. Needed to see Richie.

As if hearing his silent calls into the night, a tap sounded at his window across the room. Startled, he sat up and looked. There were no trees outside his window. His room faced the back of the house where the back-porch roof sat below his window. It was dark in his room, dark outside, and he could barely see but there was definitely someone there. Knowing instantly who it was, he rushed to the window and unlocked it, sliding it open.

Richie’s smiling face greeted him as he stumbled over the ledge and into his room like a clumsy Romeo with long limbs.

“That was way easier when we were younger.” He whispered, righting himself and dusting off his shirt.

When they were kids, Richie had discovered that he could easily climb up the side of the porch and use the roof to get into Eddie’s window. Since he wasn’t allowed over past sundown, he used to sneak in through his window and they’d whisper and laugh in the dark. Those long nights breaking the rules were part of the reason Eddie fell in love with him. They’d sit behind his bed, a sheet over their heads and a flashlight between them reading the comics Eddie’s mom didn’t allow him to have. Every time the house would creak, they’d shut off the light and fall silent, erupting into giggles when they realized it wasn’t his mother.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, shutting the window to keep the cold air out.

“I wanted to make sure you were ok. You didn’t look very happy when you left with your mom earlier.”

“Yea well...it only got worse when we got home.”

Eddie took a step forward, wrapping his arms around Richie’s middle and pressing his cheek to his chest. Richie’s arm came down around him, holding him close and rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. This was what he needed, that instant comfort that came from being with Richie. All of his anger melted away and instead he focused on the feel of his arms around his back, his fingertips massaging over tense muscles.

“Come on.” Richie kissed the top of his head. “Let’s go lie down.”

Eddie nodded against his chest before allowing himself to be pulled toward the bed. Richie threw back the covers and crawled in, pulling Eddie down against his chest. He smelled like cinnamon, spicy and sweet. It filled Eddie with the same sense of security that Richie always brought as a kid. That feeling that nothing bad could happen to him. It was something he truly believed but had forgotten that day Richie left. Now he was certain, as long as he was with Richie everything would always be ok.

Looking up, he stared into Richie’s eyes, feeling a wave of warmth overtake him. “I love you, Rich. I’m going with you, you know? To New York.”

“I know. I love you too.”

Richie bent down and pressed a kiss to his lips, sweet and slow, slotting together like they were made for one another. A thrill went through Eddie at having Richie in his bed, kissing him without his mother knowing. Just being with Richie filled him with want but he was aching for contact. Now he felt like he was breaking the rules and that excited him more than he was willing to admit. Wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck, he tangled his fingers in his curls and licked his way into Richie’s mouth. Richie reciprocated with a low moan, tasting the sweetness of Eddie’s mouth.

Pushing back on Richie’s shoulder, Eddie climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. Wanting to feel Richie’s hand on him already, he lifted his shirt over his head and deposited it on the floor. Richie’s hands held his hips, pressing into them as the sight of Eddie’s bare skin. He licked his lips as if he was a hungry wolf, ready to devour the meal before him.

“You know I didn’t come here for this, right?” Richie asked, trailing his fingers up Eddie’s side, making him shiver.

“I know. I don’t care. I want to touch you.” Eddie’s voice was breathy and as he pulled at the hem of Richie’s shirt, urging him to take it off. He sat up, allowing Eddie to pull it up over his head, throwing it aside with his own.

Eddie bent down again, capturing Richie’s mouth in a kiss lustful enough to make his toes curl against the mattress. Richie didn’t know this Eddie who took charge and sucked his tongue into his mouth like it was candy, but he liked it. The way he ground his hips down against Richie’s had him seeing stars across his vision. Richie pressed into his hips hard enough to bruise, dragging him down against him with each swirl of his hips. Eddie moaned into the kiss, his hands on Richie’s chest.

Richie pulled away from his lips, trailing kisses down his jawline and licking over the marks he left there that were already fading and sucking new ones across his chest where they wouldn’t be seen by anyone but him. Eddie gasped when Richie’s tongue licked over his nipple, his hips bucking forward against his lap. With the way he was moving, the bed was beginning to creak and their efforts to stay quiet would be for nothing. Knowing this, Richie wrapped his big hand around Eddie’s small thigh, his other hand on his back, and flipped him over until his back hit the soft mattress.

Using this new position to his advantage, Richie made quick work of Eddie’s pajama pants and boxers, sliding them down past his ankles and dropping them on the floor. Eddie had never been completely naked in front of Richie before. Sure, as kids they had gone swimming in the quarry in nothing but underwear but that wasn’t the same. For one, the other Losers were always with them. Now they were alone, just the two of them. Richie took a minute to drink him in, his eyes traveling from his face to his knees and back up again. Eddie’s entire body was flushed pink and he fought the urge to cover himself from Richie’s hungry eyes.

He didn’t stop to take in Eddie’s embarrassment, he just dipped his head low, pressing a kiss to his hip bone. Eddie shivered as he kissed a trail down from his hip until he was hovering just above his dick. Richie licked a strip from his base to his head with the flat of his tongue, dragging a shocked whine from Eddie’s throat. He’d done this before, had his dick in another man’s mouth, but it being Richie hit him with new waves of pleasure he wasn’t familiar with.

Eddie’s hand clamped down over his mouth as Richie took him in one hand and hungrily took as much as he could into his mouth. His attempt to stay quiet were failing with Richie sucking hard, hollowing his cheeks and battering his head with his tongue whenever he pulled up.

A knock at the door startled both, causing them to flinch. Eddie had installed a lock on his door so there was no way for her to enter, but she wouldn’t go away easily. He thought maybe if he ignored her, pretended to be asleep, she would leave. He didn’t want to talk to her while he was laying there naked with his cock in his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Eddiebear!” She called through the door. “We need to talk.”

Eddie tried to stay quiet, but Richie was refusing to stop his movements and a grunt made its way out of his throat. She took this as a response and kept talking.

“I know you’re upset, but you need to understand that I just want what is best for you. No one else will have your wellbeing as their top priority as I do. You understand that, don’t you?”

Eddie gently tapped the side of Richie’s head to silently ask him to stop but all Richie did was look up at him from over the top of his glasses, showing no signs of slowing. Gripping the sheet beside him with one hand and Richie’s hair with the other, he tried to steady his breathing.

“Eddie? Answer me!” She shouted.

“Yea, ok. I understand. I’m trying to sleep.” He said quickly before another sound escaped him.

“I can tell that you’re still angry.”

“I’m not angry! Just tired.” Leave, leave, leave he chanted in his head as Richie dragged him closer to the edge.

“Fine, we‘ll talk in the morning.”

He could hear her retreating footsteps followed by her door slamming shut. Finally able to lose himself again, he whispered a raspy warning. Throwing his head back, a strangled whine passed through his lips as he spilled onto Richie’s tongue. Richie swallowed it down, licking up what he could over Eddie’s oversensitive dick. Blinking tears from his eyes, Eddie panted heavily while reaching for Richie.

Wiping his mouth, Richie rose up until he was face to face with Eddie again, gathering him up in his arms and kissing his neck.

“That was cruel.” Eddie said, turning his head to look at him.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. It was kind of thrilling, don’t you think?”

“Not at all.” Eddie smiled.

“Yet you came so fast anyway.”

“Shut up.” Eddie giggled, kissing his lips. “What do you want me to do?” He asked as he pressed his knee up between Richie’s legs, pressing up on his painfully hard length.

“Whatever you’re willing to do is fine by me, baby.” Richie said through a grunt.

Eddie wasn’t quite ready to tell Richie everything he’d done with strangers from the bar, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t use it now to please him. His fingers were still trembling as he undid the button and zipper of his jeans. Richie helped to push them down and get them out of the way as quickly as possible. Eddie was salivating at the thought of finally getting to taste Richie. It was something he’d dreamt about since he was horny teenager, lying in bed at night with his hand down his pants and Richie in his thoughts.

Taking just the head of his cock in his mouth, he looked up at Richie through his eyelashes, watching him chew his bottom lip. Richie gently pet the side of his face as he took as much as he could then drawing back up his length. Drool dripped from his mouth, sliding down Richie’s dick as he chased in with his lips.

“Fuuuuck.” Richie drawled out in a low voice. “You’re so fucking hot, Spaghetti. Can’t tell you how much I’ve thought about my cock in your pretty little mouth.”

A shivered went down Eddie’s spine at Richie’s words. He never knew that being wanted by someone else could be such a turn on for him. He bobbed his head faster, using one hand to stroke what his mouth couldn’t take, his other hand going lower to massage his balls. Richie bucked up into his mouth, tangling his fingers in Eddie’s hair on the back of his head, holding him down and he chanted, “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie” and painted his mouth in his cum.

Eddie swallowed what he could, but some spilled from his lips. Richie caught it with his thumb, holding it up to Eddie’s lips for him to lick clean. Eddie crawled back up, collapsing beside Richie, curled up at his side.

“Was that ok?” He asked, licking his lips.

“It was perfect.” Richie said, kissing him hard. “You’re perfect.”

Richie licked his way back into Eddie’s mouth, kissing him long and slow, holding his chin with one hand. Satisfied and exhausted, they curled into one another, arms and legs tangled as they pulled the blanket over top of them and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I WROTE MOST OF THIS CHAPTER WHILE DRUNK AND I SWEAR MY FACE IS SO RED EDITING THIS SHIT  
> I don't remember most of this but hey, making up for posting a day late I guess???


End file.
